


Marlboro Nights

by PurpleAsters



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cigarettes, Falling In Love, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad Jeon Wonwoo, Sad Kim Mingyu, Slow Burn, Teenagers, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25093345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleAsters/pseuds/PurpleAsters
Summary: - “ those are bad for you... ”— “ so are toxic relationships but you seem to get into them a lot... ”or, in which:Mingyu smokes a pack a day behind the school while Wonwoo let's himself be used by everyone around him.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 209





	1. 00:01

**Author's Note:**

> .:: playlist ::.  
> \+ this is also on spotify, under the user PurpleAsters! +
> 
> 1\. marlboro nights : lonely god
> 
> 2\. i'll keep you safe : sagun 
> 
> 3\. baby you're worth it : kina 
> 
> 4\. demons : joji
> 
> 5\. bitches broken hearts : billie eilish 
> 
> 6\. right here : keshi 
> 
> 7\. daddy issues : the neighborhood
> 
> 8\. star shopping : lil peep 
> 
> 9\. falling (blackbear remix) : trevor daniel
> 
> 10\. hot girl bummer : blackbear 
> 
> 11\. the great escape : girls like boys
> 
> 12\. monsters (ft.blackbear) : all time low
> 
> 13\. dirty laundry : all time low
> 
> 14\. car : sorority noise 
> 
> 15\. the medic : foxing 
> 
> 16\. alrighty aphrodite : peach pit 
> 
> 17\. out of my league : fitz and the tantrums
> 
> 18\. love gang : whethan (ft. charli xcx)
> 
> 19\. k. : cigarettes after sex
> 
> 20\. deadroses : blackbear
> 
> 21\. slow dancing in the dark : joji
> 
> 22\. we fell in love in october : girl in red
> 
> 23\. just friends : keshi
> 
> 24\. ...and to those I love, thanks for sticking around : $uisideboy$
> 
> 25\. gorgeous : mansionz
> 
> ·—·
> 
> .:: notes ::.
> 
> \+ this book contains topics such as; homosexual relationships, underage drug and alcohol use, abuse, manipulative relationships, implied sexual content, mentioned sexual abuse, self harm, and mental health issues. If you're uncomfortable with any of these please look into reading a different book. I can't write fluffy stuff, sorry.
> 
> \+ the story takes place in an high school in America, I do this because I don't know how Korean schools work nor how Korean society works and I don't want to offend or misrepresent the country and it's youth. It's also important to note that the school is based on the high school I went to, which had a very weird system. 
> 
> \+ some scenes are based on real life experiences that have happened to my friends and I, if you've read any of my other works you understand what I mean. 
> 
> \+ because two of my other books have extremely large casts, I'll only be focusing on mingyu and wonwoo for this book. the8 and jun are big supporting roles, as they both play mingyu and wonwoos best friends respectively, other seventeen members will be mentioned and have cameos, but not large roles. 
> 
> \+ I will use random names and idols throughout the story as background characters, this doesn't reflect my opinion on the idols! Everyone mentioned I adore and are just using them for fiction!
> 
> \+ updates will be inconsistent since I am working on three other stories, my job, and general life. Though I'm trying to pre-write a lot of this to make it easier. so, please bare with me!
> 
> \+ please forgive all grammar mistakes or spelling errors I make, I have dyslexia and although I tripple check all my chapters there's still things I miss! If you see any major errors, please tell me so i can fix them asap!
> 
> \+ If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask! 
> 
> \+ enjoy!

Being addicted is defined as being physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects. Though it held largely negative connotations, Mingyu didn't mind the idea of being addicted as much as the next person. 

He can argue all day that while addiction could be perceived as bad, his addiction is actually a coping mechanism for the shit he has to deal with on a daily basis. His addiction isn't harming anyone around him, unless they walk into his smoke cloud. 

Marlboro cigarettes became a big part of Mingyu's life, and at seventeen years old he can rightfully say that his body is 60% nicotine and 40% black coffee. His late night stays at Denny's boosted that caffeine addiction lately. 

He could always blame Minghao for the Denny's addiction though, the younger himself had an obsession with a specific waiter. But Mingyu crowns himself a true slut for their pancakes and sausage links so he can't actually complain about spending four days a week there until midnight. 

He can't blame anyone other than himself for picking up his smoking habit however, it was easily his own doing. Picture a young Mingyu Kim, barely fifteen, stressed out on his young teen angst and needing an outlet that didn't involve punching a wall. Now picture that same Mingyu getting offered a half smoked cigarette by one of the older skater boys who went to his school. 

The truth is that Mingyu could have said no and the older guy wouldn't have cared, but Mingyu accepted and liked the out come. 

Nicotine calmed him down, like it does every smoker out there. It's the entire reason he goes through a pack a day and has a charge list at the EZ Mart near his house. 

So thus, we arrive to seventeen years old Mingyu, currently half way through a pack that red and white box while leaning against his schools brick walls. 

It's lunch time, and while he should be in the cafeteria with Minghao and Seokmin listening to them talk about precalculus and chemistry he instead chooses to be alone with earbuds plugged into his ears to blast at an alarming volume. 

He thought it was funny how easily he fell into that mysterious but self destructive popular boy stereotype. You know that one guy who's handsome and known by everyone, but has anger issues and wears Vans even if he doesn't skate? He probably also wears a Thrasher tee-shirt and rejects every girl who asks him out by saying “I'm no good for you”.

Yeah, that douche. 

Somehow that's Mingyu, at least in the eyes of his peers. 

You see, Mingyu was handsome. He was known by almost everyone in the school, girls confessed to him every other day even though he couldn't see himself in a relationship, he owned a pair of black Vans that he only wore when skating, and he did have minor anger issues. A perfect cliche. 

So he has the The Guy™ attitude, he skips class, and he smokes. So how he is really any different compared to the thousands of bad boy teens out there? Nothing really. Mingyu is average, he's a statistic of his generation — a generation of clones with different face shapes. 

It wasn't just Mingyu however that felt like the biggest stereotype at his school. Each student had a purpose, each one the same as another in a different school in a different state. 

Gossip King and Queen? Seungkwan and Jessi. The slightly dumb football Captain? Johnny. The closest gay linebacker? Wonho. That one super popular girl that everyone secretly hates? Nancy.   
Mingyu could go on and on just listing each category.

It's not that he has a problem with anyone he's listed or anyone at his school honestly, but it's hard to enjoy people's company when all they are are carbon copies of someone else somewhere in the world. Everyone felt unoriginal. 

Maybe he's just took picky, hell even Minghao and Seokmin fell into that stereotype of sweet foreign exchange student and the token happy funny guy respectively. 

Sighing, Mingyu let's his head fall the bump against the wall. Eyes closed as he tilts his face up to the darkened cloud covered sky. 

Lunch is almost up and he doesn't particularly want to go to his physics class today.

Mingyu had average grades somehow despite his skipping class, and he'd not actually gotten into trouble for being absent so much. He'd wholeheartedly thank Dino a million times for hacking into the school's system every other week to reset their absences. How they'd never been caught was beyond Mingyu. 

He didn't hate school, but he didn't enjoy it either. He was barely even neutral about it. On one side it was boring and wasted his time where he could be getting a job or busting his ass on his board, while on the other side he would struggle to get a job without a diploma. 

Jobs meant money, money meant cigarettes.   
So he couldn't drop out, even if he'd actively thought about it in the past. 

He grunted as he finally pushed himself away from that brick wall, finally deciding to just go home rather than sit through four more hours of bull shit. 

Mingyu starts on his journey home, beginning to pull his phone from his pocket when he notices movement from the corner of his eye. 

Now, just because Mingyu isn't the most rule strict person doesn't mean he doesn't fear punishment completely, and in that moment a teacher just found him. He jerks his head up and towards the figure he saw, he almost wishes he hadn't. 

A good ways away from him are two figures engaging in very unholy activities. He recognizes one of them easily and cringes. 

Sex wasn't something that made him uncomfortable, he hadn't been a virgin for years now and although he didn't date he'd sleep with a few people here and there with no big deal. However it's who one of them was that made him cringe. 

If Mingyu Kim is the token bad boy then Wonwoo Jeon is the token damaged-goods kid. 

There was a lot of history surrounding that guy, a lot of heartbreaks and breakdowns. 

Wonwoo was a lot like Mingyu in a sense that everyone knew him, but a twist was that almost everyone had fucked him at some point. Maybe that was a bit harsh, but Wonwoo was well known for the amount of relationships he'd been in and him accepting one night stands from most of the people who asked if he wasn't currently seeing someone. 

He'd gotten labeled many things over the years, hitting highschool had been a big explosion in names to be called as the student bodies dictionaries expanded to more words than just boobs and penis jokes. 

He was one of the people Mingyu didn't understand, and he was one of the people Mingyu couldn't automatically set a stereotype to. 

Wonwoo was just kind of there. 

They'd never talked before, Wonwoo didn't talk to many people to begin with. However even if Mingyu couldn't label him or develope an opinion, he cants say that seeing the senior busy on his knees behind their school is the best introduction. 

The most awkward part? Right as Mingyu is turning away, they make eye contact. 

He's not sure if the overall circumstance or the dead look in Wonwoo's eyes but Mingyu is rightfully uncomfortable and decides it's best to speed walk away. 

  
Mingyu is down to a quarter pack of cigarettes by the time he gets back home that day, and it's only a ten minute walk. 


	2. 00:02

  
As human beings we all have out vices, those bad habits we all indulge ourselves in because for that split moment it just makes sense. 

Those vices can range from promiscuous behavior to hardcore drugs use, Mingyu thinks he has too many to count. And again, vices has a negative connotations to it. But to Mingyu he's coping, he's dealing with everything. 

He hears the complaints from pedestrians when he's walking around town, sees the looks the cashier gives him when he's buying a new pack, he knows what people think when they see him. He doesn't know why they think that if they glare hard enough he'll stop, that's just not how it works. 

Mingyu knows the repercussions of smoking and drinking, he's not dumb, and he doesn't need ads surrounding him or people calling him out. He knows, it's been embedded into his mind since he was a child, however he still picked up the habit. He doesn't care. 

To him, the only down side is the nicotine stains on his fingers and the fact that he can't run as long anymore. But he was never very sporty to begin with so maybe that was his own fault. 

But the point is that Mingyu knows what he's doing is bad, he just doesn't need twenty people telling him that like he's two. 

Mingyu will admit that he doesn't skip lunch for a few days after the incident with Wonwoo, but he's not sure if it's to protect his own dignity or Wonwoos. 

He's sure that the other won't be there, out of all the years Mingyu has escaped out behind the school this is the first time he's ever seen another person, but the uncomfortable nerves are still there. 

Mingyu huffs to himself, accidentally alerting Minghao who's sitting right in front of him. 

They're sitting at their usual lunch table, Seokmin is scarfing down both his plate and Mingyus plate at an alarming rate while Minghao has been finishing up work for their next few classes, and Mingyu is just sitting while blankly scrolling on his phone. 

He says blankly because he doesn't remember anything he'd seen on his screen in the last twenty minutes or does he care, he's just going with the motions. 

"Hey Gyu, are you okay?" 

Minghao's voice draws Mingyus attention, making him pull his gaze from his phone up to his friends concerned face. 

He gives props to Minghao, because even if he comes off as cold or standoffish he's the most empathetic out of the two and tends to help more people around him. He's a genuinely caring guy, he just doesn't get to show it often. 

They'd met in their freshmen year, Minghao had just moved to The States from China and even though there had been a language barrier between the two for a while it didn't hold them back from becoming bestfriends. An upperclassmen named Jun thankfully helped Minghao learn English much faster, the older being fluent in both languages since he moved at a younger age compared to Minghao. 

Jun was also the Denny's waiter Minghao was obsessed with, and Mingyu thought they were both dumb for not realizing their mutual crushes already. 

Even so, after years of friendship now, Minghao can read Mingyu better than anyone. Minghao's concerned voice and raised eyebrow means he knows Mingyu is frustrated by a thought, whether it be good or bad it doesn't matter. 

So Mingyu just sighs and slumps in his seat more, setting his phone down and shaking his head.   
"Physically, yes. Mentally, not so much..."

"What's up?" The other questions, taking a drink from the bottle of water next to his book. 

Mingyu pauses for a moment before shrugging.   
"I was out back the other day-" 

"You're going to get into trouble one day, I swear." 

Mingyu glares at Seokmin, the interruption was uncalled for. His other friend just raises his hands in mock surrender while lifting the remaining piece of pizza crust to his mouth. 

"Anyway, as I was saying. I was out back the other day and I saw someone." 

"Who? No one goes back there except you and the stoners after school..." Minghao voices

Mingyu nods   
"I know, weird right? But it's gets worse. It was Wonwoo and some other senior." 

"Wonwoo? Were they fighting? I didn't think he got into fights..." Seokmin blurts, busy stacking his now empty trays while Mingyu tells his story. 

The tallest of the three shakes his head, leaning forward just a hair.   
"Nope, blowjob." 

Minghao frowned.   
"Wait, I though he was with Bobby?" 

"Bobby? When did Seungcheol break it off with him?" Seokmin asks, confused. 

Mingyu shrugs to both questions.   
"I guess they either broke it off or he's gone full slut." 

"Mingyu!" Minghao glares "Don't say that." 

He shrugs, raising an eyebrow at his friend's sudden defense.   
"Why?" 

"I mean...he's not really wrong, Minghao. Wonwoo is kinda known for sleeping around..." Seokmin starts, but clamps his mouth shut when Minghao shifts his glare to him instead of Mingyu. 

"No! Neither of you know Wonwoo, you have no right to talk shit about him. " 

"And you do? Since when were you friends?" 

"He and Junhui are bestfriends, so I've hung out with him before. He's really nice and quiet." Minghao huffs out, visibly annoyed at the other two. 

Mingyu sighs again  
"So it's always the quiet ones." 

"You're a fucking asshole."   
Minghao glares harder, standing up from his seat and gathering his things. He shoved everything into his bag and turns to leave. But not before spinning around and pointing at his bestfriend with such a hard look at Mingyu knows he's fucked up. "Maybe you should look at yourself before you try to judge other people, Mingyu Kim." 

With that Minghao stomps away, leaving his two friends to sit in awkward silence for a moment. 

Seokmin is the first to break, sighing and gathering his things and trash before standing to leave as well.   
"I mean, he's not wrong either?" 

Mingyu scoffs  
"You literally agreed with me?!" 

Seokmin shrugs, slightly disheartened by his friends fighting.   
"I think you both have points. You have no filter and Hao thinks with his heart, I'm just the comedic relief."

"That doesn't even make sense..." Mingyu blinks. 

The older shrugs again before walking away, leaving Mingyu to sit alone until the warning bell rings not even a minute later. 

He can't explain why he was such an asshole, why he went in curious about a person and left being yelled at for insulting someone.   
Mingyu will deny the slight tinge of guilt he feels in his chest while he thinks of ways to make it up to Minghao for being a shit person. 

He's a dick but Minghao is his bestfriend and he doesn't like them fighting, ever. 

Mingyu huffs and gets up to leave the lunch room, brain storming how to make an apology cake. 


	3. 00:03

  
If Mingyu were to track back as to where it all started, he'd start by saying that his childhood wasn't the best in the world.

But at the same time very few people have perfect childhoods, very few have never dealt with trauma or pain growing up. Mingyu had a decent childhood, but not the best. If that made sense.

His parents got divorced when he was young, but his mother remarried a few years later to the man Mingyu called his dad. They never struggled for money and lived in a nice neighborhood in a nice house, Mingyu had toys and being an only child meant he never had to share. So how did he have a bad upbringing?

The only real thing that made Mingyu have a bad childhood was his absent parents, and it's funny how easily that can cause trauma to a person.

Growing up his parents were rarely home long enough to hear about his day and he tended to get pushed off to baby sitters or day cares when he was too little to be alone completely. He had people around him, but with the lack of two solid parental figures he grew up with attachment issues. He never learned to properly have relationships, romantic or platonic alike.

Maybe that's why he trusted Minghao so much, and why he hated fighting. Minghao had been the only constant person in his life, and the fear of him leaving finally weighted him down a lot.

So, as an apology Mingyu baked a cake. It had chicken scratch handwriting in white icing that barely looked like the words " _forgive me, bestie"_ and instead looked like " _Forkbee_ _Beastie_ ".

But he was forgiven, with a hard smack on the back of the head and a scolding of course, and the two managed to eat the whole thing in under twenty minutes.

And so a few days later, a week after his run in with his senior, he returns to skipping lunch once in a while to smoke behind the school. Goes back to what he knows best.

He just goes right back to leaning against the wall, ear buds blasting away, and rethinking all of his life choices that landed him there.

Mingyu huffs, pulling the hood of his jacket up over his hair to block the sun's rays and the chilled winds. The early October breeze slowly nipping at his skin. He didn't particularly like the fall, he was much more of a summer or late spring kind of guy. One thing he liked about fall was the darkened skies.

Moments like this give him all the time in the world to think about everything and anything. From his childhood to his favorite playlist. It was a nice time for him.

Mingyu shifts his weight, pulling that red and white pack and lighter from his pocket. He's got ten minutes left, might as well. He pulls a cigarette out of its little box, sticking it between his lips and proceeds to struggle with his lighter.

It's a cheap plastic thing with a half empty fluid chamber and crackles everytime you light it. A good representation of himself, if he does say so himself. But by the time he finally gets his cigarette lit he sighs, any tension leaving as the nicotine coats his lungs.

As he's slumping back against the wall he feels a tapping at his shoulder.

Mingyu startles, whipping his head to the side and raising a fist to punch whatever ghost is attacking him. His eyes focus and he chokes on the puff of smoke he hastily just inhaled in his panic.

None other than Wonwoo Jeon stands beside him, on the other side of the AC unit that Mingyu tends to lean against or set his things on.

The other is startled too, most likely not expecting to almost get punched because he tried to get someone's attention. His eyes are wide and one of his eyebrows is raised up in confused shock. Mingyu huffs an embarrassed breath and clears his burning throat.   
"S-Sorry...you scared me."

"I can tell, are you okay?" The other mumbles out, voice low and soft.

Mingyu nods a bit overzealously before slumping back against the wall, he's not sure what to do.

There's an awkward silence, caused by Mingyu not knowing what to say or why the other was there and wonwoo busy letting the junior catch his breath. It's wonwoo should breaks the silence, voice small and tone as low always.   
"Those are bad for you..."

Suddenly Mingyu snorts, turning to face the older with a raised eyebrow.   
"So are toxic relationships but you seem to get into them a lot..."

He expects Wonwoo to be offended or upset, but he gets surprised when Wonwoo just snorts and scrunches up his nose a bit, the tiniest of a smile playing at his lips. He shifts a bit, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie further down over his hands.

Wonwoo jumps up to sit on the AC unit, pulling his legs up to cross them. Mingyu watches curiously, silently flicking his cigarette. He watches the other turn to face him now.

"Can I bum' one?" He asks, eyes shifting between the stick in Mingyus hand and his eyes every once in a while.

The junior snorts this time, but still pulls those marlboros out again. He offers the pack to Wonwoo and hands him his janky lighter, watching him struggle to light up.  
"What happened to them being bad for you?"

Wonwoo doesn't answer immediately, too busy inhaling the toxins to reply quickly. But after a moment he does, words forming around the cloud of smoke that leaves his lips.   
"I'm dying, might as well go out having fun."

Mingyu raises a brow, leaning back against the wall again but turning his head to face the other.   
"You're dying? What are you sick?"

The senior laughs, but it sounds sick. It's not a laugh of joy but rather a laugh of mocking.   
"We're all dying, Mingyu. Whether it's old age, a terminal illness, or a freak accident. I've just accepted that death is inevitable, and I don't really care what happens to me."

"You know my name?" Mingyu asks.

"Of course I know you. You're Mingyu Kim, handsome bad boy that all the girls thirst over." Wonwoo blurts, taking another puff off of his cigarette while picking at the rips in his jeans.

Mingyu can't resist the small amused smile that starts curling his mouth.   
"Hm...define _handsome bad boy_ for me?"

A snort  
"You know, that one guy in every school who gets into trouble and all the girls want to get to know him because they think he's really a _good guy_ deep down and that he's just _misunderstood_."

"So do you think I'm a _good guy_ deep down? Misunderstood?"

Wonwoo glances at Mingyu, his eyes peaking out from under his messy black hair. "You didn't turn me into the Principal last week, so that must say something about you."

Mingyu pulls his gaze from the other, suddenly feeling uncomfortable at the mention of their last run in. So instead he shrugs, playing himself off as relaxed.   
"It's not my business who someone fucks around with, I'm no saint either."

There's another laugh, but this one feels self-deprecating and somehow relieved at the same time.   
"You're the first person to not call me a slut in a while, thank you for that."

Mingyu feels guilt rush over him, his conversation with Minghao coming back to him in full force. He's not even sure why he feels guilty, he doesn't know Wonwoo, nor does he care about anyone other than himself and his friends. So why, why does he feel bad saying anything bad about the senior. He doesn't know how to respond, so he just glances at Wonwoo out of the corner of his eye.

Wonwoo is well known in their school for not only his sleeping habits but his looks, he's attractive. It's undeniable that he's handsome. He's tall, only shorter than Mingyu by a few inches, with black hair that he curls sometimes, a thin figure under all of his baggy clothes, and sharp eyes that draw people in.

What a lot of people don't see are the small details that Mingyu is currently taking notes on. Like the badly concealed dark circles under those striking eyes, the way the left side of his bottom lip was a bit swollen, or how his eyes seems just as dead and sad as last time. Just who was Wonwoo?

He wants to ask, for some reason, but he hold his tongue and instead adverts his eyes to the open field behind the school. Mind filled with more questions about a person he shouldn't be questioning.

The two sit in silence after that, the occasional car driving by in the distance or a bird chirping overhead. Eventually they can hear the lunch bell ringing in the building.

Wonwoo slides off of the AC unit, his sharpie covered Vans shoes smacking the ground with a loud thud. He turns to Mingyu and starts walking backwards to leave.   
"Thanks, we should do this again sometime"

Mingyu nods his head subconsciously, dropping the butt of his cigarette to the ground to step on it. He watches the other spin on his heel, disappearing to the other side of the school, leaving him alone again, like he's used to. 


	4. 00:04

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thank you." Wonwoo interrupts.
> 
> Mingyu blinks  
> "For what? Trying to teach you to skate? It's not a big deal-"
> 
> "No. I mean for treating me like a human."

  
"So park later?"

"Can't, I have plans tonight."

"With who, Jun? When will you just confess to him, Hao..."   
Mingyu watches as Minghao rolls his eyes and shoved the rest of his book into his locker. He almost pouts.

"Shut up Mingyu, why don't you ask Seokmin to go with you?" Minghao deflects easily, something that doesn't go unnoticed by the older but one he chooses to not push any further.

Mingyu sighs, leaning against the locker wall beside his friend as he waits for him to finish so they can leave the school.   
"DK has play practice, you know this."

"What about Hoshi? Vernon? They both skate too, go with them."

"Hoshi is too energetic for me and Vernon hates me since I turned down Seungkwan last year and supposedly _'broke_ _his_ _heart'_ _"_ Mingyu complains, slumping again the lockers more to be eyelevel with his friend, pulling slightly puppy eyes on him.

Minghao is unaffected, rolling his eyes harder in a manner that Mingyu knows he'd picked up from Jun. The younger closes his locker, left with just his backpack and his phone in his hand, he turns to Mingyu and crosses his arms.

"Well I'm sorry his highness, but I'm not dropping my plans just to go skating. Besides, I don't even have my board right now after _someone_ decided to _smash_ the fucking thing again the half pipe to see if he could break it." He glares "That board wasn't cheap you dumb hulk, now I have to get a new one."

Mingyu huffs, though he does feel guilty for breaking Minghao's skateboard and he outright blames the three Bang energy drinks he had that day because he can barely remember going to the park that day let alone smashing his friends board. Granted he'd offered to buy Minghao a new one the next day but the other turned it down, and Mingyu is pretty sure that it was just so Minghao would have something to hold over him in fights. Minghao was a petty bitch but Mingyu loved him.   
"I said I was sorry!"

"That doesn't make it okay?!" Minghao barks back, looking ready to smack him in the head. Mingyu groans and steps down, pushing himself off of the lockers and starting his way down the almost empty hallway. Minghao follows after, typing on his phone as they talk.

"So are you still going?" Minghao asks as they reach the front doors.

Mingyu shrugs, pushing the glass door open.   
"Probably not, I hate going by myself ever since those Westside kids started showing up."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about them showing up now..." Minghao shivers before shaking his head "well if you go be careful, I don't want you calling me because you got into a fight with Mark and Jackson again."

Mingyu rolls his eyes  
"Yes, Mom."

Minghao groans and pushes the other away from him before walking in the other direction, again leaving Mingyu by himself.

He pauses for a moment before sighing and beginning his own walk back home, the earlier hype about skating long gone after Minghao's rejection.

He doesn't skate much anymore, especially since Minghao's board was broken. And there's not many people in their city that skates so the park is normally empty, however a group of teenagers from a town over found out about the tiny skatepark and started to take over the plot. But skating was a lot like his smoking habit, it was a coping mechanism and it calmed him down. Thus he tended to run up and down his neighborhood late at night, it was just a benefit that it pissed off his neighbor Karen. He upset her enough that a cop now patrols the street, sadly. 

With his day plans trashed Mingyu huffs a breath and pulls out his phone and earbuds to listen to music for his walk.

The walk from his school and his house is short, and with his legs he walks at an uncomfortably fast pace, so he arrives in front of his dark house in no time.

His house is nice, it's two stories with white paint and a perfect pocket fence. It's high middle class, but with all that comes a cold unloved in atmosphere.

He checks the mail, grabbing the multiple white letter for his parents, and enters quickly rushes into the house when he sees Karen's door open next door. He's not dealing with her today.

The house is quiet minus the muffled sound of the living room TV playing whatever channel the house keeper had been letting her children watch during the day. Not that he minded, Mrs Roslyn was very kind, and one of the few adults he liked. Plus it made the house feel like someone lived there, and not just his bedroom.

Mingyu darts up the stairs, marching up to his bedroom without seeing if anyone was home, he knows there isn't.

He pushes open is door and makes a beeline for his bed, dropping his bag on the and flopping onto the matress with an audible _oof_.He lays there for a moment, until he becomes restless.

Mingyu rolls over onto his back and pulls his phone from out of his pocket, checking to see if he had any missed texts. He huffs when he notices that the only notification he had was a Taco Bell ad. He drops his phone onto his bed and sits up.

He stares at the skateboard leaning against his wall, right next to a pile of shoes and clothes. He ponders for a moment before he blows a raspberry and standing up. He grabs his phone again and grabs his board, pushing back out of his door and out of his house.

He locks the door and makes his way down to the street to head to the park, his neighbor is out on her porch. He watches her as he walks, purposely holding his board so she can see it. He knows it's disrespectful, but this woman called the cops on him because he ' _didn't look like he lived there'_ once.

"I sure hope you're not going to ride that monstrosity on our street again." The woman calls out.

Mingyu hums, never stopping his stride as he replies.   
"Don't worry Karen, nobodies going to skate on your precious asphalt today. Maybe next week."

The lady stands up, obviously flustered.  
"My name's not Karen! Do you know how offensive that is-"

"-Okay Karen! Have a good day ma'am!" He calls, quickly dropping his board and kicking off, leaving her to yell at him in the distance.   
He really hates that woman.   
  


The park is a twenty minute walk from his house, but thankfully he gets there in under fifteen. The park itself is large, it's their city park after all, but the area that Mingyu goes to is barely a quarter of the plot.

As he pulls to a stop just outside of the fence he can see who is there already, and it's not many. He steps around the fence, dropping the butt of a cigarette he'd just finished onto the small dirt patch he has to step over.

There's very few people for once, but Mingyu recognizes a few. Jackson and Mark just happen to be there as well.

He's not sure why those two have such a big bone to pick with him, they don't even live in the same city. Mingyu himself was on good terms with most of their friends, especially Bambam and Yugyeom, so he wasn't sure why the tension existed.

With the knowledge that the two were there Mingyu bears to the left side of the park, towards the shallow bowl. Mingyu walks over to a bench and props his leg up to tighten his shoes.

"Hey."

Mingyu startles, jerking his head to the side and almost choking on his own spit as seeing Wonwoo standing next to him like a ghost. He stands up straight, eyes wide.   
"Can you stop scaring me every time you come around?"

Wonwoo snorts  
"Sorry, you're kind of an oblivious person."

"Excuse you, I'm very observant?!" Mingyu blurts, offended.

The other just shakes his head, tilting it down to hide the small smile stretching at his lips.  
"Maybe to things at a distance, but this is the third time I've startled you by now..."

Mingyu huffs  
"You're just too quiet, like a cat. "

"Is that a compliment? I'm going to take it as one."

The taller pauses before shrugging and bends back down to tighten his other shoe. When he straightens up again he fully turns to Wonwoo.   
"So, since when did you hang around the skatepark? I didn't know you skated..."

Wonwoo shakes his head, turning to sit on the metal bench.  
"I rarely come here, but I was bored at home so I decided to see people bust their asses." A pause "and no, I don't skate. I've always thought it was cool but I never learned, I'd bust my ass too."

Mingyu nods in understanding before he gets a horrible idea in his head. He reasons to himself that they're both bored, so no harm could be done, and that it could be fun. Before he can funny think it through his mouth is moving before he can stop it.   
"I could teach you. How to skate I mean, well maybe just ride for now..."

Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at Mingyu  
"Really? You'd teach me?"

Before he can take back his words Mingyu nods again, kicking his board up for him to catch and turning to face the other completely.  
"Yeah, I'll teach you. It's really not that hard."

The other hums, but seems to brighten up just a bit.   
"Cool."

Wonwoo stands up and follows Mingyu to a more open part of the concrete, trailing behind like a puppy. Mingyu let's his board fall back to the ground and turns to the other.   
"So first it may take a minute to get used to the movement, it feels weird and your body won't like the feeling of unbalance. So first, just step on."

The other hums, stepping into the board with wobbly feet, however he shifts too awkwardly and steps off in panic. He tries again, this time stumbling backwards. "This is hard Mingyu." He huffs.

Mingyu chokes down a laugh, shaking his head in amusement. He steps closer and grabs Wonwoos hand, forcing it to rest on his shoulder.   
"Here, put your hand on my shoulder and step on again. If you feel yourself leaning force yourself back to a correct level. "

Wonwoo mumbles an insult under his breath but does as he's told, he eventually gets steady enough for Mingyu to step away. The older flails for a moment before balancing himself out again, a look of triumph on his face.

"Good, so now we're gonna move." Mingyu steps closer again continues instructing. "What you're going to do is; step off the deck, put your foot right towards the middle and kick off with your other leg and then once you're moving your going to place that foot at the tail of the board!"

"That sounds so complicated! There's like eight steps!" The shorter complains, stepping off to glare at the other.

Mingyu laughs quietly, just under his breath, and raises his hands in surrender. "I promise it's not that hard..." 

The two spend a good hour and a half working teaching Wonwoo how to ride a skateboard, but it doesn't go very far. Mingyu doesn't think it's a problem, he didn't learn in one day either so he's not disappointed.

Most of it turned into Wonwoo being walked around by Mingyu while trying to maintain his balance, not the reason he came down but not a horrible experience.

Then two hours in Wonwoo hops down off of the board and sits down on the concrete, trying to convince Mingyu to show him _the cool X Games tricks_.

Mingyu eventually caves, unable to even form the word _no_ once Wonwoo looks up at him. He ends up doing very simple tricks, but it's enough for Wonwoo to want to learn, even if he can barely stand on a skateboard at the moment.

Mingyu rides back and forth in front of Wonwoo until he gets bored, deciding to sit down next to the other.  
"So..."

"Thank you." Wonwoo interrupts.

Mingyu blinks  
"For what? Trying to teach you to skate? It's not a big deal-"

"No. I mean for treating me like a human."

The taller frowns, leaning forward a bit to see the other better in the slowly dimming day light.   
"What do you mean?"

Wonwoo shifts a bit, pulling his sleeves over his hands again like the last time they spoke, his tone shifting to something more heavy compared to before.   
"Not many people think of me as a person anymore, like just because I ' _sleep around'_ I don't deserve basic respect. I don't know, you're just one of the few people who do...so, thank you."

Again, like before, Mingyu feels a sense of guilt. He feels bad for thinking so bad of Wonwoo ever, even if he didn't really care. He feels uncomfortable.

There's a brief pause before Mingyu speaks up, eyes no longer focused on Wonwoo but instead the emptying park in front of them. He pulls his pack out of his pocket and lights.   
"Why do you do it?" 

Wonwoo turns to look at him, eyes switching between the cigarette meeting his lips and his eyes.

"You know how you smoke?" Mingyu nods dumbly, and Wonwoo hums. "Well, I let people use me."

Mingyu frowns, forming words around smoke.   
"That's not healthy, Wonwoo."

The other smiles, and he would find it pretty but the way Wonwoo smiles right then is sad.   
"Neither is smoking."

After that the two stay quiet, both not knowing what to say or how to say it. Eventually Wonwoo announces his departure, leaving Mingyu alone again with a small wave and a promise of _let's do this again sometime_.

Mingyu is left staring at his pack of cigarettes with a bad taste in his mouth.


	5. 00:05

  
"Did you hear about that actress that died?" 

"Who?" 

"Reese." 

"Witherspoon?!"

"With-her-knife." 

Minghao groans, dropping his head to bang onto the booths table.  
"...I actually hate you." 

Mingyu sits, oddly proud of himself. The two are sitting in the middle of Denny's, waiting for their food to arrive. 

After the previous day Mingyu felt a need to be around Minghao, to distract himself from the predicament that was Wonwoo Jeon. And what better way to distract from your problems than food and friends. 

There's a short silence between them, just the sounds of their fellow Nighthawks around the diner. 

It makes Mingyu a bit uncomfortable, he's not used to almost awkward silences between the two. Granted it's normally Mingyu who's busy talking, but Minghao normally has something to talk about. Sadly even Minghao seemed a bit out of it today. 

Not sure what to say or do Mingyu shifts and sighs, watching his friend before caving.   
"What's up with you today?" 

Minghao looks up with a raised eyebrow.   
"Huh?" 

"You just seem out of it today...is something wrong?" He mumbles back. 

"I'm fine." Minghao sighs, slumping in his seat. "My parents were just fighting until late last night, and I heard some stuff I wished I hadn't..." 

Mingyu frowns, watching his friend. 

He felt sympathetic for his bestfriend, he was a guy who worked his ass off in school and gave up a lot of his hobbies to make sure he got into a good school after graduation. The sad thing was that he wasn't doing it for himself, but instead for his parents. 

But the thing was that Mr and Mrs Xu had hit a rough patch in their marriage in last year. 

Mingyu remembers the first time Minghao's parents had fought in front of him, how upset the younger had been for so long afterwards. He'd called Mingyu that night sniffling and asking to hangout. Thankfully they didn't fight constantly, at least not in front of their son anymore. But the times they did were the worst fights. 

Minghao doesn't talk about it much but Mingyu knows it effects him deeply. He'd always been close to his parents, so to see them at odds had flip a part of his world on its head. 

And looking at him now, Mingyu can see how disheveled he looked. His hair was ruffled and messy, clothes very lackluster compared to his normal love of fashion, and the puffiness and dark circles under his eyes gave away the rest. 

Mingyu feels his chest tighten.   
"I'm sorry man...is there anything I can do to help?" 

He watches Minghao shake his head, shrugging as he puts on a half-assed smile that doesn't make the other feel any better at seeing it.   
"No, but I'm okay Gyu." 

He must not look convinced because Minghao continues.   
"I promise that I'm fine, trust me." 

Mingyu finally nods, meeting his friends slightly dim eyes before reaching his pinkie out in a childish but strong promise gesture. Minghao looks at his hand and cracks a tiny smile before locking their pinkies together, just in time for their food to arrive. 

The two shift away from the depressing topics to eat, growling stomachs more important than home life issues. 


	6. 00:06

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You should be more observant, I could have been trying to rob you" Wonwoo tilts his head.
> 
> Mingyu snorts  
> "In the middle of a store? With those sweater paws? I think I'm safe."

After almost 18 years of being almost completely ignored by his parents you would think that they couldn't get under his skin, but you'd be very wrong. Mingyu genuinely think that his parents are the poster children for absentee parents.

You could attempt to argue that they worked hard, and you wouldn't be wrong. They worked hard, they spent so much time at their work places that Mingyu had a hard time remembering what either looked like.

You could try and say that they wanted a good life, and Mingyu would argue that they're just trying to drown themselves into work so they don't have to deal with the fact that they're inattentive parents.

Maybe if they were attempting to pay a debt, or if they were struggling he'd understand better. But the thing is that neither of those scenarios are true, the truth is that his parents are just workaholics who think that giving their son an allowance that most kids don't see in their entire teenage years combined is good parenting.

As if maternal care and support was not something a child needed while growing up.

Mingyu blames a lot on his parents, maybe his actions were just him wanting attention. That's something kids like him did right? Act out so people notice him, even if the attention is negative.

But at the same time, he doesn't want the attention. So many it's a subconscious thing rather than him actively acting out so people look at him. Maybe.

But his point still stands, he's done with his parents. Specifically his mother at the moment.

It started as waking up with a headache that felt more like getting his in the skull repeatedly by a sumo wrestler every time he blinked, however that turned into being late for his first hour class and getting scolded by his teacher, and that turned into him not being able to skip lunch since Minghao wanted to make sure he ate something. By the time he'd reached the end of school and started his walk home he realized he was out of cigarettes.

It was one of the day that he didn't actually feel like smoking but the stress from everything had nudged him enough to want to light up, only to be rejected by the empty package.

However, instead of darting towards the store to get more he chose to just go home and sleep. And maybe that was the biggest _fuck you_ of the day.

Mingyu hadn't known that his mother was home until he'd already walked into the kitchen with the intention of getting a drink before he crashed for the night, so you could probably imagine his surprise at seeing the woman standing against the stove with her cellphone in one hand and a vomit inducing weight loss smoothie in the other.

He thought about just turning around and leaving, thought about running up those stairs or maybe even out of the house. But he's tired, he wants to get a bottle of water and get it over with.

As he walks to the refrigerator he ponders what it'll be this time, what she'll call him out for this time.  
His hair? Its getting a bit long after all.   
Maybe it'll be about his grades, he's failing at least one class anyways.

If he's lucky she won't even realize he's there, but Mingyu has never exactly been a lucky person.

"How's school?"

Mingyu doesn't even pause as he opens the fridge door and grabs a bottle.   
"Fine."

"If it's fine then explain the email I got from Mrs Vermilion. A 67 in economics? I'm disappointed." She argues, voice oddly monotonous for a parent talking about low grades.

Mingyu represses a groan, shutting the door with a bit more force than he intended.   
"I'll get it up, don't worry."

"Maybe if you'd stop hanging out with that Xu kid and his drop out friend you'd have more time to focus on school." She bites, never once looking up from her phone.

"What the hell does Minghao and Jun have to do with anything?" Mingyu huffs out, his grip on the plastic bottle tightening until it starts to make a crinkling noise.

His mother sighs, finally looking up from her screen only to look him up and down with a raised eyebrow. "Why are you dressed like that? You look like a punk, go change into suitable clothes, you smell like cigarettes."

"What? They're just freaking clothes...since when did you even care what I wear or who I hang out with?!"

"Oh please, stop being dramatic Mingyu." She looks back down at her phone "Now, I expect those grades up by the end of week. And I want you to stop hanging around that boy, I don't want you associating with those kinds of...where are you going? Don't walk away from me!"

Mingyu scoffs, turning on his heel and leaving without a word.   
  
  


The EZ Mart isn't too far from his house, it is however far enough for him to cool down his temper.

Thankfully his headache is gone, having eventually faded at some point which Mingyu didn't even take notice of until he was a block away from the store.

He should be grateful, happy that his head is no longer being bashed in. However instead he's rethinking everything his mother had spat out.

Mingyu can't decide if he wants them to completely ignore him or if he wants them to constantly chew him out for the smallest things. It's a suck cycle of masochism that he's constantly putting more tickets into like a carnival ride.

Maybe he is a bit masochistic, maybe the pain and irritation he gets makes him feel a bit better. Like the nicotine it makes him feel a bit human, and not just a ghost floating around.

He doesn't actually know, just like he doesn't actually know a lot about everything around him.

Mingyu sighs, pushing the glass doors of the convenance store open, holding it open for a lady behind him.

He glances at the cashier, sending him a short wave as he walks his way to the back refrigerators.

Glancing around the drinks he quickly grabs a soda and let's the door slam shut, turning around and stepping towards the snack isle.

"Why are you everywhere I go."

Mingyu startles at the sudden voice next to him, he fumbles with his drink and nearly let's it fall from his grasp. He turns towards the voice, huffing a slightly annoyed sigh as his eyes land on a familiar set of messy hair and sharpie covered shoes.

"Do you have to sneak up on me every time?"

"You should be more observant, I could have been trying to rob you" Wonwoo tilts his head.

Mingyu snorts  
"In the middle of a store? With those sweater paws? I think I'm safe."

The other frowns, looking down at his hands that were covered up by his baggy hoodie. Wonwoo laughs softly, shoving his hands into his pocket.   
"Don't deflect, you need to pay more attention to your surroundings."

"I pay attention!" Mingyu retorts

"Then why do I spook you every time I come around?" Wonwoo questions, eyebrow raised and a knowing glint in his eyes.

The junior glares  
"You're just sneaky."

"But if you were paying attention you'd see me coming."

A pause.

"...I'm not going to win this am I?" Mingyu asks, eyes now switching between two flavors of Pringles as they talk.

Wonwoo hums, shaking his head in Mingyus peripheral.   
"Not by a long shot."

He sighs, grabbing a random can and turning to the other fully. Wonwoo is turned away, busy glancing around the chip bags for something. He watches the other for a moment, taking in his ruffled hair and tired looking face. Mingyu wonders how Wonwoo's day went, if he hooked up with anyone or if he just always looked exhausted.

He thinks back to his mother at home, his phone had stopped vibrating ten minutes ago but he knew she wasn't done lecturing him. He sighs.   
"Hey Wonwoo?"

The other hums, grabbing a bag of Doritos before turning to face him with a curious expression.   
"Are you busy?"

Wonwoo tilts his head again before shaking it.   
"No, why?"

Mingyu shrugs, stepping past the other and walking up to the cashier.   
"Do you want to hang out? Only if you want I mean..."

Wonwoo doesn't answer immediately, nor does he verbally react when Mingyu grabs the chips in his hand and sets it next to his own things on the counter for the cashier to ring up.

The man, a graduate named Daniel that Mingyu has slowly befriended thanks to late night get aways, scans everything up and is about to mumble the price when Mingyu cuts in quickly.   
"And a pack of Marlboro, red 100s...please..."

The man sighs, but still turns to grab the cigarettes and sets them on the counter after scanning them.   
"I swear, you're going to get me into trouble one day Kim."

"I'm your best custmer Danny! You love me." Mingyu snorts.

The other rolls his eyes, drumming his chipping black finger nails on the counter.   
"Thirteen even."

"Tell Honey I said _hello_!"   
The junior smiles, handing over the cash and grabbing the snacks and pack. He walks away, putting a hand on Wonwoo's shoulder blades to push him to the door.

The other doesn't protest, letting himself get pushed outside of the store like a child.

Once outside Mingyu turns to the other, handing him his bag of Doritos like nothing.   
"So, are we hanging out or not? Still haven't answered me on that."

He watches Wonwoo take the bag and stare at it for a moment before nodding his head.   
"Sure, let's hang out. Where to?"

"Park? We can swing or something"   
Mingyu shrugs, uncapping his soda to take a drink. Wonwoo nods in agreement.

By the time the two arrive at the park it's nearly empty, the later it gets the faster the younger kids have to go home and most teenagers stay near the skate bowls anyways. Mingyu is grateful that the swings are sectioned off in it's own pit off to the side, and that not many kids use them anymore.

They plop into the small seats, being just a bit too tall to comfortably sit without splaying their legs out.

Mingyu takes the time to finally open his snack, shoving a few chips into his mouth without a care while Wonwoo starts to kick his feet to gain momentum.

The two sit in a comfortable silence for a moment before Mingyu finally speaks up around a mouth full of chewed up food, much to the others disgust.   
"So, tell me about yourself..."

Wonwoo doesn't stop swinging nor does he look at Mingyu as he answers in an amused tone.   
"Why do you want to know about me?"

The other shrugs, tilting his head to watch the other. The senior slows his swinging at the lack of a response, left to come to a stop and turn his swing sideways to look at the other.   
"You first, tell me about the illusive Mingyu Kim..."

Mingyu brushes off the deflection for the moment, planning his redirection for later. He sighs, setting his can and bottle beside the support leg before he starts.   
"There's not much to me, bit of an open book if you look hard enough."

"That's not being an open book, Mingyu." The other retorts with a tiny curl to his lips. Mingyu huffs, but Wonwoo continues. "Describe yourself to me, how you view yourself only."

Mingyu pauses for a moment, because who was he really? What did he actually think of himself as? He treks back to that day behind the school, he sees himself very clearly so why is he questioning it now. He shrugs.  
"You know."

Wonwoo shakes his head  
"No, I know what everyone _else_ thinks. But I don't know _you_."

With a frown Mingyu turns to fully face the senior the best he can in his swing, suddenly feeling an uncomfortable ache in his chest that he can't define. He scoffs, frown turning into a scowl.   
"Why don't you tell me what _you_ think of _yourself_ , huh?"

The other doesn't seem phased by Mingyus sudden hostility, and instead smiles sadly. It makes the weird flame of annoyance in Mingyus chest die at its sight for some reason.

Wonwoo sighs   
"It doesn't matter how I see myself, it wouldn't change anything. You however aren't nearly as mysterious and bad as you think, and I don't know why society has made it so you could ever gain those ideas."

A pause and Wonwoo frowns for a split second before schooling his expression to rest to a blank face.   
"You asked about my life, right? It's not interesting, Mingyu, so don't worry yourself about it."

"But I want to get to know _you?"_ Mingyu frowns.

The other shakes his head.  
"How about instead of learning about our tragic pasts we focus on who we are now, right now? As just _Wonwoo and Mingyu_."

"...deal."


	7. 00:07

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The junior sighs, shrugging.  
> "I couldn't let him talk like that."
> 
> Wonwoo shuts the sink off and steps away, looking right at the other.  
> "Really, because it didn't turn out good for either of you."
> 
> "He was talking bad about you too, Wonwoo!" Mingyu argues, standing up straight and defensive.
> 
> "He didn't say anything that I haven't heard before, I don't need someone to protect my honor Mingyu!" The other retorts, frowning.

  
Mingyu manages to run around his parents for the rest of the week, darting around the house like a ninja or flat out staying out late and leaving early, all just in case one of them happens to be home. They never are, so it's a bit overkill for him to be so stealthy.

The following are up to his normal standards, but with Minghao being too busy with either school or Jun he starts to feel oddly alone.

Sure he's got Seokmin too, but even though he liked the older boy they didn't really have too much in common, they had always been more of just friends of Minghao who befriended each other too.

The older was nice, but he liked the fine arts classes more than Mingyu and he more often than not was too busy with his clubs to hangout.

It's one of those times that Mingyu realizes just how much he depends on Minghao for friendship, because now he's been left to entertain himself while the other is off doing things

Mingyu barely has any friendly acquaintances, ones he can stand to be around for longer than thirty minutes a least.

Maybe he's just too picky, a bit judgemental really.   
But still, with nothing to really do and nobody to hangout with, Mingyu is left by himself.

The only way he finds to distract himself from his lonely life was to skate, easy peasy.

Mingyu huffs and grabs his things before he's darting out the front door and dropping his board to ride down the driveway.

The only problem is that once he hits the asphalt and turns to ride down the road, he hears a distinct _bleep_ noise from behind him. He groans, tugging the cords of his earbuds to pull them out.

The junior halts his ride, the tail of his board coming down to scrap against the asphalt with a low grinding sound. He turns to face the familiar black and white SUV pulling up next to him.

The vehicle stops, windows rolling down.  
"Mingyu, what did I tell you about skating down the roads?"

Mingyu sighs, hunching down a bit to face the cop.   
"I was barely on the road for a minute."

"Doesn't matter, you gotta stay off and go to the park to skateboard. You know the rules." The man states, lacking any real sympathy.

"Bullshit. It's not against the rules at all, you're just tired of Mrs. Bennett constantly calling you to complain." Mingyu huffs out, shifting his weight to lean on one leg out of annoyance.

The officer sighs, slumping in his seat.   
"Mingyu, will you please just stop skating on the road? I don't want to fight this kid." 

Mingyu scoffs, rolling his eyes and turning to walk off.   
"Sure, whatever."

By the time he makes it to the park the sun is at its highest point and thankfully warming him up from the chilled breeze.

He immediately recognizes the person with black hair and a baggy black hoodie perched on the metal bench off to the side.

Mingyu bites down his amused smile, walking slower to attempt to muffle his steps.

He creeps up, hunching over a bit and reaches a hand out to tap the others shoulder, a mischievous smile on his lips now.

"Hi Mingyu."

Wonwoo's sudden voice spooks him, left to jolt back and stare with wide eyes as the senior leans his head back to make eye contact. If he wasn't so shook up Mingyu would be able to appreciate the thick lining of kohl that darkened the others gaze even more than normal.

Calming down finally he huffs as he steps around the bench to plop down.   
"How'd you know? I was super quiet."

Wonwoo shrugs, tilting his head a bit.   
"I had already seen you before you noticed me, it was inevitable that you'd try to scare me."

"How did you even notice me?" He huffs again.

"I've told you. I'm observant." Wonwoo cuts out, amusement coating his words.

Mingyu rolls his eyes, unplugging his cord from his phone and shove them both into his pocket. He slumps down into the bench seat, subconsciously pushing his skateboard to roll side to side with his foot.

Like last time the park is mostly empty despite it being the weekend. There's a few scooter kids and a group of teenagers that Mingyu sadly recognizes just like he did with Wonwoo. He's thankful that he hasn't had a run in with Jackson and Mark in a while now, even the last time he'd been to the park at the same time as them he went unnoticed.

It's not that's he's afraid of them, he's just never in the mood to fight. And while Jackson is known for being a bit too hot tempered and buff, Mingyu wasn't exactly a pushover string bean either. The difference was that Mingyu didn't like initiating fights for no reason either.

So to see the two sitting amongst their friend group makes him slight cautious.

Wonwoo shifts beside him, typing something into his phones cracked screen. Mingyu let's his attention settle on the older.   
"So, why are you here?"

The senior shrugs but doesn't look up.  
"I was hanging out with some friends earlier but they all went home already"

"You didn't want to?" He questions

"Nope, didn't feel like it."

Mingyu hums, sitting back and letting his head fall to stare up at the sky.  
"So you came to watch people _bust their asses_?"

"Wow, so there _is_ a brain inside that skull of yours!" Wonwoo remarks, tucking away his phone and turning slightly in his seat to face the other more.

Mingyu groans, leaning back towards and turning to pull a half pout on the other.   
"You're so mean..."

The other shrugs again, a small smile on his lips. He tilts his head a bit suddenly.   
"So why are _you_ here?"

Mingyu blinks, making a dramatic scene by looking down at his board before looking back to Wonwoo. He raises an eyebrow. The other rolls his eyes.   
"I meant, why so suddenly? It's a Saturday. Shouldn't you be hanging out with friends instead of by yourself at a skate park sitting next to the school's dark cloud?"

He frowns.   
"Why do you talk so bad about yourself? Gossip isn't even that bad about you."

 _That's a fat lie_ , Mingyu thinks to himself.

"Bullshit. I hear the rumors, and honestly most are true enough. But that's all besides the point, why are you alone Mingyu?" Wonwoo cuts in, starting to pick at the loose threads of his hoodies sleeves.

The junior makes a noise of disapproval.  
"No, why do you deflect so much? I thought we were supposed to be getting to know each other."

Wonwoo tenses under Mingyus gaze.   
"Can we not talk about this right now?"

The other suddenly stands up, dusting off the back of his jeans for no reason and pulling his sleeves to cover his hands more.  
"can you teach me how to skate some more?" 

Mingyu sighs, feeling conflicted, but nods. All previous annoyance draining as he sees how fidgety the other becomes. He stands up too, following the other to where there's enough open concrete for them both.

Wonwoo stands on the skateboard, readjusting to the awkward balance for a moment and having Mingyu steady him when he leans too far.   
"I think I forgot some of it already?"

Mingyu shrugs, watching the others shoes misposition themselves a few times before he nudged them in to better spots.  
"It's fine, I told you last time that it wasn't nearly as hard as people think."

"That's what you say, you've been doing it longer." Wonwoo huffs out, pushing against Mingyus shoulder to make him back off after he's steadied himself.

Mingyu snorts, stepping back and eventually sitting down in the ground to watch the senior lazily. He hums, pulling his phone back out from his pocket and pulls up his playlist.   
"Do you mind if I play music?"

Wonwoo shakes his head, barely looking up as he slowly starts to move forwards.  
"Sure, just no top 40s or I'll smash that iPhone of yours."

"What, you don't like visco girls and tiktok dances?" Mingyu grins, scrolling through his music to find a song.

"There's funny tiktoks, but visco girls are a different breed." The other blurts, stumbling off the skateboard with a curse.

Mingyu rolls his eyes, selecting a song and letting it play on low volume so that they're the only ones who can hears it.   
He goes back to watching the other.

He doesn't like how much he doesn't know how to feel about the other, he doesn't like that he constantly feels too many things at once. His curiosity peaks, wanting to uncover every detail about him while at the same time he doesn't want to get closer or learn at all. It's conflicting, confusing.

Given that Mingyu has only truly trusted one person, why does he suddenly want to befriend his senior? Why is he so drawn to Wonwoo for no reason.

He can't blame the guilt from upsetting Minghao before, because he still actively hopes that wonwoo will show up behind the school and talk to him, or even now at the park.

It's strange, and he can't decide if he doesn't mind it or not yet.

He sighs, laying back to stare up at the sky. If he thinks about it longer he'll start to get a headache, so instead he watches the clouds slowly move.

Mingyu picks out shapes, listening to the mix of soft music and the low rumble of the wheels rolling over the cement. He can even hear Wonwoo singing along to the song quietly if he listens good enough. He lets his eyes close, enjoying the suns warm rays.

Suddenly he hears a thud followed by a groan, he snorts.   
"You good?"

"I'm fine...but I lost your skateboard?" Wonwoo responds, voice oddly quiet for his personality.

Mingyu sits up with furrowed eyebrows, looking at Wonwoo who's sitting on the ground rubbing the scrapped up skin on his left knee, the material ripped away. He's concerned about the other, but turns a bit panicked at he glances around for his board.

He stands up, glancing around before spotting it down in the bowl, he sighs before turning to Wonwoo who's looks guilty.   
"You good?"

The other nods, pulling his hands away. There's no blood, just a raw scrap that'll hurt for a few minutes and probably bruise but other than that he's okay. Mingyu tries not to laugh at the others expression.   
"I'll be right back."

Mingyu goes to the edge of the large dip and sits on the edge before sliding down to the bottom. He walks to the center, where his board is sitting in it's side. He grabs the damn thing and turns go back to Wonwoo when someone calls out to him.

"Mingyu! Your friend okay?"

He turns to face the only other group in the park, meeting the concerned eyes of one of Jackson and Mark's friends named JB. Now, unlike the first two JB was actually nice.

Actually most of the twos main friend group were kind, and BamBam and Yugyeom were both his mutuals on Instagram. Why the two didn't like him went unknown.

Mingyu nods back to the older man while making his way to the wall to get out.  
"Yeah he's fine, just a scrapped knee!"

JB nods in approval, sitting back down next to Jinyoung and goes back to their previous conversation. This would have ended the interaction and been fine, however Mingyu hears another voice call out, loud enough that it was pointedly meant to be heard by him.

"Isn't that that Wonwoo kid?" Mark blurts out.

Jackson's voice calls after, a tone that makes the words worse.   
"Oh shit it is, damn Kim. Trying to get your dick wet?"

Mingyu clamps his teeth together, taking a deep breath. He keeps his eyes down as he steps towards Wonwoo, who's now standing up with Mingyus phone in hand while watching him approaching, undoubtedly able to hear the others talk.

"Kim! I'd watch out, might catch something!" Jackson cackles out, making his friend laugh along.

Mingyu shakes his head, turning to walk backwards, a fake grin on his lips.   
"Cleaner than you Wang!"

It's not the best comeback but it does work to agitate the other. He stands up abruptly and Mingyu knows he's thrown his hopes of no fights out the door the moment he opened his mouth. He also noticed that JB and Jinyoung are talking quietly to the two and he assumes they're trying to get them to stop.

Sadly Jackson is already stomping his way towards Mingyu by the time they speak up.

Mingyu feels someone grab the back of his shirt, Wonwoo's low voice almost a whisper, though it's not scared. His tone is more annoyed.   
"Mingyu, let's leave. Just walk away."

He wants to, but he feels himself shake off the older's touch and stands up taller as Jackson stops in front of him.   
"The fuck did you say, Kim?"

"I said, he's cleaner than you Wang. What, can't take retaliation?" Mingyu smarts off, a fake smirk on his face.

"Oh get fucked Kim!" Jackson barks out before glancing behind Mingyu and smirking himself "or is that already covered?"

As Mingyu tense up and tries to raise an arm he feels Wonwoo grab it and hold it down, at the same time JB and Jinyoung make it to Jackson with Mark surprisingly staying behind them all with an unreadable expression.

Mingyu pulls against Wonwoo's grip.   
"Let me fucking go! How about you fuck off Wang? What do you gain from being a dick all the time?"

Jackson scoffs   
"Fuck off you pretentious poser, go back to mommy and daddy! Oh wait they don't care about you!"

"Jackson what the fuck is wrong with you?!"   
"What the fuck?!"   
Shout JB and Jinyoung at the same time, both grabbing into his shoulders to pull him back as the two step closer to each other.

Mingyu suddenly pulls back his other arm, the one not held by Wonwoo, and swings at the other, landing a slightly less powerful punch to his face. Jackson yelps, stumbling back for barely a second before he's ripping himself out of his friends hands and tackles Mingyu at the waist.

Their tussle breaks out full force, Wonwoo being sent back to fall in his ass while the only reason Jinyoung doesn't fall forwards is because he catches himself.

Fighting isn't fun to Mingyu, it's annoying and pointless most of the time. He's not the best fighter, but can hold his own. But the soreness and bruises after are never worth doing it often.

However at that moment he doesn't care, the prebuilding hatred for Jackson only fueling his body as the two sloppily hit each other.

Jackson lands good hits, two in the face but mostly in his stomach, while Mingyu lands more in the face than in stomach.

Distantly Mingyu can hear voice calling out to them, can them growing more panicked as they go on. And by the time they've been pulled apart he feels like he's ready to explode.

His eyes refocus, seeing JB pulling away while Jinyoung tries to block his view of Mingyu, he hears one of them call out something that sounds like an apology but he doesn't care.

Wonwoo appears in front of him, face blank as his dark lined eyes glance around Mingyus face. He suddenly feels ashamed, for some reason he feels guilty.

"Sorry..." He mumbles around the taste of copper and the pain in his lip.

Wonwoo shakes his head, not saying anything as he grabs Mingyus hand and pulls him towards the more populated side of the park.

The walk is tense and awkward, Mingyu mulling over what to say and his internal monologue while Wonwoo stares straight ahead and keeps his unreadable expression.

Wonwoo pulls him to the restrooms building, pulling him inside the men's room silently and making him lean against to wall beside the sinks.

Mingyu watches as Wonwoo turns on the faucet, grabbing some paper towels and soaking them in the water. He turns to Mingyu and suddenly dabs at the others bottom lip. Mingyu yelps.   
"That hurts!"

"Shut up."   
Wonwoo mumbles out, tone dark.

Mingyu clicks his mouth shut, flinching as Wonwoo dabs and wipes at the wound, though a bit more gentle this time around.

Eventually Wonwoo stops, throwing away the bloodied mush and turning to rinse his hands off.   
"You can't like people get to you like that Mingyu."

The junior sighs, shrugging.  
"I couldn't let him talk like that."

Wonwoo shuts the sink off and steps away, looking right at the other.   
"Really, because it didn't turn out good for either of you."

"He was talking bad about you too, Wonwoo!" Mingyu argues, standing up straight and defensive.

"He didn't say anything that I haven't heard before, I don't need someone to protect my honor Mingyu!" The other retorts, frowning.

Mingyu bristles.  
"Okay, fine! But what he said about my family was uncalled for."

"Why does anything he say matter? Since when does Mingyu Kim care what other people think?" A beat of silence, Wonwoo sighs. "Mingyu, you can't let what someone says effect you like this...you let him know that he can get to you."

He hated that Wonwoo is right, even if he still thinks he's also right. What Jackson had said upset him, triggered too close to home and caused him to not be able to ignore it. But now Jackson knows what pisses him off and will undoubtedly use it against him the next time they run into each other.

He sighs, nodding his head reluctantly.

The other sighs too, reaching into his pocket and pulling Mingyus phone from it to hand back. Mingyu takes it, noticing that the music is still playing but that the volume has just been turned down all of the way. He closes his apps and looks up as Wonwoo makes to hand him another phone, Mingyu raises an eyebrow in question.

"Put your number in, dumbass." Wonwoo blurts, rolling his eyes as he holds the phone closer for Mingyu to take.

The junior blinks before taking the broken cellphone and typing in his contact before handing it back. Wonwoo types something in and eventually Mingyus own phone dings from its place in his pocket.

Wonwoo turns on his heel, pulling the restroom door open and walking out while speaking over his shoulder.   
"Put ice on your cheekbone and watch your lip for the next few days."

Mingyu is left to stand by himself, the dull pain in his face starting to grown a bit. He feels like a scolded puppy or dog.

He pulls his phone from his pocket, the text from Wonwoo still popping up on his lock screen.

_[ Dumbass ]_


	8. 00:08

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: underage parties + talk/attempt of date r*pe

High School is a time in everyone's life that their adult counterparts will always say one of two things about. One, that it  
was the best time of their lives, or Two, that they hated every single second of it. 

Currently, Mingyu can think of about twelve _the quiet kid_ memes to sum up his own experience. 

But he'll admit that the anticipation of a party sweetens up the deal a little bit. 

  
Now, Mingyu isn't exactly a party animal. He's selective of the ones he attends, always based off of who exactly is throwing the party and whether or not the cops will get called within ten minutes.

He's the type of teenager at parties that likes to get high and just drunk enough to enjoy the shit storm that unfolds in front of him and occasionally hook up with the more sober party go-ers.

So when Minghao brought up that there's a party being thrown by a graduate named Seungcheol he doesn't turn down the want to go.

Seungcheol is best known for his parties, even after he graduated he'd still throw them and still allowed the high schoolers to join. He was a laid back guy, and while Mingyu had only met him a few times he seemed like a decent guy.

Wonwoo had apparently dated him, but that doesn't reflect onto them in a very good light regardless of which side you took.

As Mingyu changes his clothes he wonders if Wonwoo will show up too.

After the previous Saturday fiasco they hadn't spoke much, the occasional text that never really went anywhere conversation wise and a wave or two in passing at school.

Their relationship felt weird, unknown and confusing to him. It didn't feel normal, like new friends or even crushes. It felt like two people who didn't actually know who to start a relationship at all, dancing around each other with awkward talks and coincidental meet ups.

It sucked, Mingyu wanted to be the others friend, or something at least. But that's also the thing, did Mingyu want to be his friend or did he want to date him? He wasn't sure, sure Wonwoo was pretty but Mingyu had never been in a real relationship and Wonwoo didn't seem like he could be in one.

It felt weird and uncomfortable for Mingyu to think of Wonwoo like that, but it also felt weird want to call him just a friend. It was hard to explain, it didn't make sense to even him.

Mingyu liked Wonwoo, but whether it was strictly platonic or romantic he couldn't pin point.

Plus Wonwoo was a mystery in itself.

Because even now, almost a month into knowing and speaking to the older, Mingyu knew almost nothing about him. Even rumors did nothing to help form a solid idea of just who the other was.

Maybe that's what drew Mingyu in so bad, the thought of not knowing and not being able to automatically label caused him to want to understand even more. Humans didn't like the unknown, if they didn't understand stand something they feared it. It's why some people fear darkness or space, you don't know what's out there.

Wonwoo was a lot like Space, Mingyu realizes. Beautiful to look at but mysterious and a bit lonely.

He sighs, tugging a plain black shirt over his head while stepping over to his bed to grab his phone. The screens notification light blinking at him.

He unlocks his phone and checks the new messages in Minghao's and his thread, grinning a bit. It's only Minghao asking about what to wear, which is dumb considering that Minghao has always had a much better sense of fashion compared to Mingyu.

But still he humors his friend, confirming which outfit looks the best out of the five pictures the other had just sent to him.

He loves his friend, but Minghao couldn't be more obvious about trying to impress someone. He doesn't even think Minghao realizes he's doing it. Poor unfortunate soul.

Mingyu shoves his phone into his pocket after sending Minghao a text that he was on his way and grabs his keys and wallet from his desk.

He hustles down the stairs, ignoring the railing and even skipping the last two steps completely in his haste.

"Ah, Mingyu! Where are you going?"

Mingyu freezes, the familiar low voice of his father making his stomach burst with an uncomfortable feeling as he turns to face the other.

His father is standing in the hallway to the kitchen, briefcase in hand and suit jacket thrown over his shoulder. He looks tired, the dark circles under his eyes seem much darker compared to the last time Mingyu saw him. He almost feels bad, almost.

Unlike his mother, Mr Kim doesn't come home nearly as much. His job requires him to go on a lot of business trips from Japan to Sweden. Mingyu hadn't seen him in a good few months, he'd almost completely forgotten what he looked like, just like him mom.

He's a tall man, both of his parents are, with greying hair and a sad face. Mingyu wonders if that's how he'll look at that age, even without the work schedule.

"I'm going out..." He supplies, watching the man as he nods.

"With that one boy...what's his name...Ming?"

"Minghao."

"Ah yes! Minghao, good kid. Are you guys still friends?"

"Yeah..." Mingyu bits down on his inner cheek to stifle the annoyed huff he feels building.

His father smiles, lazily and dazed.  
"How's school going? I know freshmen year isn't easy!"

Unfortunately there's nothing he can do to stifle the sharp unwanted pinch he feels inside of his chest, he can barely stop the air that suddenly leaves his lungs. He stands there for a moment feeling something akin to anguish fill up his body, eventually he lets out a shaky breath, feeling a bit light headed.  
"Dad, I'm a junior..."

The older Kim frowns, titling his head in confusion before his eyes seem to darken a bit and he feels even more tired than before. Mingyu can't find it in him to feel sympathetic.  
"Oh...wow...time really does fly..."

Mingyu shrugs, feeling the stinging burn building in his eyes. He spins on his heel.  
"Sorry dad, but I'm already late! See you later!"

He quickly rushes out of the house, almost slamming the door shut and making a bee line to the garage door, slamming his thumb down onto the button connected to his keys multiple times in an attempt to make it raise faster.

He feels like vomiting, a heavy feeling falling onto his shoulders and weighing him down as he tries to breathe.

Mingyu isn't sure if it's the fact that his father didn't know what grade his own son was in or if it was the sadness that came after he realized it.

His parents felt like strangers to him, they knew as much about him as he knew about them.

Mingyu swallows down the lump in his throat and ducks under the slowly raising garage door, going straight to his own car and pointedly ignoring his dad's SUV parked next to it.

He didn't use his car often, more likely to use his skateboard or hitch a ride with someone else than drive around.

He jumps in, inhaling the clean leather and very faint perfumie smell of Minghao's own cologne. Because he didn't drive it often, the car never truly worn down. The new car smell still lingered even after almost two years now.

Mingyu doesn't hesitate, jamming the key into the ignition and starting it up. As he's backing out he also pulls his phone from his pocket, waiting until he's in the road to shuffle through his music. He hums as he selects something to help distract him before he leaves, subconsciously watching his house get smaller and smaller through his rearview mirror.

Minghao's house isn't far from Mingyu's, barely a five minute drive, so when he pulls up to the familiar old white house and sees his friend sitting on the porch he feels a bit better.

He watches his friend jump up and dash to his car, nearly tripping over the curb as he does. Mingyu snorts at the brief look of panic on his face.

Minghao flings the door open, plopping himself into the passenger seat with a audible _oof_. He turns to the other with a raised eyebrow after a moment.  
"What's got you super emo?"

Mingyu huffs, pulling the car away from Minghao's house and heading towards the other side of town to Seungcheols.  
"I'm not emo, why do you say that?"

The other shrugs, turning to do something on his phone.  
"You look down, smell like smoke more than normal, and your blasting emo rap, what's up?"

"I listen to this all of the time?"

"Don't deflect."

Mingyu groans, regretting leaving the house. He slumps in his seat a bit, debating in his head if he should bring his dad up to Minghao tonight or wait for another day.

He knows that if he tells him now Minghao will most likely stress and worry about him the rest of the night, and if he waits to tell him Minghao will get grumpy about him waiting. It's kind of a double edge sword, he frowns.  
"It's nothing, tonight is meant to be fun. No drama or worried tonight, okay?"

Minghao looks like he wants to argue but keeps his mouth shut, nodding with a unheated glare in his eyes.

Mingyu sighs, it'll be a long night.  
  
  
  
  


Seungcheols house is on the outskirts of the city limits, it's in the nicest area and probably costs more than Mingyu, Minghao, and Seokmins houses all together.

Because it's so out of the way and he doesn't have extremely close neighbors it's a prime spot for loud parties. They rarely get busted by the cops, and the only reason they were the last time was because someone brought fireworks to set off.

Mingyu also just really liked Seungcheols house. It was three stories with more rooms than one could count, he had a large pool and basement filled with comfortable couches and gaming systems. How Seungcheol wasn't busted by his parents after every party was a mystery, the mess was always horrible.

By the time the two arrive the sun is starting to set already and the party is in full bloom, the heavy bass from the blaring music inside is rumbling the ground as they walk up on the lawn.

Minghao is bouncing beside him, almost skipping to the beat. Mingyu wonders we're all that energy came from considering his friend wasn't normally the most visibly excitable.

"宝贝! Mingyu!"

The voice that calls out in the slightly familiar Mandarin draws both Mingyu and Minghao's attention.

Jun is running up to the two, clothes wet and hair dripping into his eyes, looking a bit like a soaked rat. He's shivering, but the sunny smile on his face is nearly blinding.

Minghao yelps from beside Mingyu, rushing over and spitting out words so fast that Mingyu can't tell if they're in English or Mandarin. Be steps over to the two, choosing to ignore the very dull red tint to his friends cheeks.  
"Jesus Jun, the hell happened to you? You knows it's almost November right? Not exactly the best time for swimming."

The older laughs, shaking his head and sending water droplets flying around him.  
"Yeah...Lucas and Johnny were trying to jump over the pool and I got caught in the crossfire and pushed in..."

"Jun, why haven't you changed yet? 天冷了,你会生病的!" Minghao fires off, smacking the eldest upside the head with a huff.

Jun whines, rubbing the side of his head.  
"小浩...哎哟! That hurt!"

"It was supposed to you idiot."

Mingyu snorts as he watches the two, eyes darting back and forth as they converse. He doesn't understand much Mandarin, barely picking up anything out of the years he'd know the two but he can get the general idea of Minghao scolding Jun.

He wished they'd stop dancing around each other too, the mutual affection was too obvious between them and seeing them both deny it was painful.

Mingyu pats Minghao's shoulder, cringing as he does the same to Juns wet one, and sends them both a smile.  
"Alrighty love birds, I'm off. Jun, you should ask Seungcheol or Joshua for some clothes before you get hypothermia."

Jun sends him a thumbs up while Minghao splutters out a curse at him as he walks away towards the busy house.

Mingyu recognizes a few people on the porch and in the door way but most seem to be from out of town as far as he can tell. Compared to where Jun and Minghao are the music is near deafening as he enters the packed house.

There's too many people, and it's moments like this that he forgets just how many people they can cram into one room to dance and sing in.

He pushes his way through the crowd, glancing around for anyone he knows or is on good terms with. He sighs as he can't find anyone and continues to trek through the bodies to get to the kitchen.

Thankfully it's much less occupied, filled with a makeshift beer pong set up on the dinning table where none other than Seungcheol is currently chugging down the alcohol in a red solo cup.

Mingyu snorts as the host slams the cup down and burps with a grimace on his face, the other player cackling at his endeavor.

The junior steps away and instead heads over to the counter filled with bottles, he goes to grab a bottle of vodka before he pauses. He shouldn't drink, he's driving after all and should really watch Minghao since the other likes to inhale alcohol at parties like a dehydrated man. But at the same time, Jun is with him and will likely watch over him much better.

He frowns, glancing behind him at the partiers around him. _Screw it_ he think, if it comes down to it he'll just stay the night.

Mingyu grabs the bottle and a cup but gets interrupted by a voice that's too familiar even with it slurred and muffled by the music.

"Mingyu!"

He turns to see Wonwoo stumbling into the kitchen with a dazed by happy look on his face. It's one of the only times that Mingyu has ever seen Wonwoo without his signature hoodie and he'll admit that it's a nice change, even if it's a bit distracting.

Instead of his normally baggy and grungy clothes he's got on black jeans with holes in the knees and a purple and black top that Mingyu wouldn't have realized was cropped if Wonwoo hadn't lifted his left arm up to wave to someone off to the side.

Wonwoo was also obviously drunk, or at least baked, Mingyus not really sure until the older gets close enough for him to be able to smell the heavy stench of alcohol on his breath.

The other grins as he looks up at Mingyu.  
"Hi..."

"Hey, you good?" The junior asks, grabbing the others shoulder to steady him after he starts to lean too far forwards.

Wonwoo nods, hair falling into his face more and covering up his eyes.  
"Yeah, just a bit drunk..."

Mingyu snorts "Already? It's only 7 something."

Wonwoo shrugs, letting out a hiccup as he replies.  
"Yeah, but someone gave me a drink earlier and Im pretty sure they did something to it."

Mingyu frowns, watching the other more closely.  
"Like roofies? Maybe you should sit down..."

The other shrugs again, less enthusiastically than before.  
"Maybe, it happens a lot it's fine..."

"Wonwoo that's not okay, what the fuck? Come on..." Mingyu feels tense, the fact that the older mentions being drugged so nonchalantly worries him.

He pulls the other to the empty counter space by the sink, he pats the counter top and mumbles for Wonwoo to sit, watching as he complies and hops up and slumps against the cabinet. Mingyu grabs a clean cup from the pillar next to the bottles of alcohol and fills it with tap water, pushing it into Wonwoo's hand and telling him to drink it.

The other does as he's told, and sighs.  
"Ah...I didn't realize how bad my throat was burning. Thank you Mingyu."

The junior shakes his head, frown still warping his face.  
"Hey, are you okay? Has anyone tried to...?"

Wonwoo shakes his head, chewing on the edge of the plastic cup.  
"No, I'm good."

"Wonwoo, does this happen often? You said it happened before..." He hated that he feels like he already knows the answer.

The way the other nods, eyes still just as unfocused and dazed as before attempting to lock onto him, also confirms before he speaks.  
"Almost every party I go to. I don't know why...they could just ask me instead of spiking my drinks...it's really annoying."

Mingyu doesn't know what to say, the way the older talks about this so calmly concerns him and makes his stomach churn. He glances around the kitchen, nobody is paying them any attention. He feels so uneasy.

He pulls his phone from his pocket, pulling up his thread with Minghao and texting him to come to the kitchen. He glances at the time too, he's only been at the party for an hour.

Mingyu shoves his phone back into his pocket without waiting for a reply and looks back to Wonwoo, who's still chewing on the cup silently.  
"How are you feeling?"

Wonwoo blinks are him for a moment before tilting his head, accidentally spilling a bit of the left over water in the cup as he does.  
"Hungry?"

Mingyu wants to roll his eyes, but instead chooses to take the emptying cup from the senior and refilling it. He glances around, notices the pile of snacks sitting on the bar top in large piles, the steps over quickly and finds something light enough that won't make Wonwoo throw up. He grabs a pack of peanut butter crackers.

Wonwoo is still sitting quietly, kicking his feet out and hitting the counter door with loud bangs, either he doesn't notice or he finds it funny.

Mingyu opens up the plastic sleeve and shoves a cracker into Wonwoo's hand, a mumbled _thanks_ falling from the others lips.

Thankfully as Wonwoo is eating Mingyu spots a dry Jun dragging Minghao into the kitchen, looking around for Mingyu. Minghao spots them first, speed walking over to them much to Mingyus relief.  
"What happened?"

Mingyu sighs, hearing Wonwoo pause his kicking as the two approach.  
"Someone spiked Wonwoo's drink."

Minghao's eyes widen, concerned as he glances at the senior. Jun looks angry, frown set deep in his face as he steps to Wonwoo and looks him over. The other grins a bit, taking another sip of the water as his friend looks at him.  
"Jun, why's your hair wet?"

"Was he alone when you found him?" Jun asks, glancing at Mingyu.

The junior nods "Yeah, he found me when I was about to get a drink." He pauses, frowning "Jun, Wonwoo said this isn't the first time this has happened..."

Jun sighs, nodding in a sad manner.  
"It's not, it honestly has happened more times then I can count. Thankfully I normally I can find him when he's wondered off before anything happens."

"That's horrible..." mumbles Minghao, a frown tugging his lips down. Jun nods, brushing the hair from Wonwoo's face to see his eyes a bit better.

"How about I take him home? If you could drive Minghao back that is..." Mingyu offers up, glancing between the two.

Jun nods again, still tensed but seemingly slightly relieved.  
"Yeah, that's fine with me. Hao?"

Minghao shakes his head  
"It doesn't bother me, Wonwoo really needs to rest and sleep this off."

Mingyu hums, turning to Jun.  
"Where does he live?"

There's an uncomfortable pause before Jun shifts awkwardly, Mingyu bites his tongue at the action.  
"Actually, do you think you could take him to your house for the night? I don't think Wonwoo would like for Mrs Jeon to see him like this..."

Mingyu wants to ask more questions but decides against it once he feels a weight lean into him, he glances to see Wonwoo slowly falling onto him, eyes closed. He ignores the random increase of his heart rate and sighs, nodding his head and pushing Wonwoo to sit up straight again.

He nods  
"Sure, I'll take him back to mine. You guys'll be okay right?"

Minghao and Jun both nod, the youngest still watching Wonwoo with concerned eyes. Jun helps Wonwoo down from the counter, steadying him as he looses his footing at first.  
"Don't worry, I'll watch over Hao. We probably won't stay much longer, I'm gonna ask around and see if anyone's saw someone messing with Woo though."

Mingyu nods, grabbing Wonwoo by the shoulders and steering him to walk away.  
"Okay, be safe. I'll text you guys later."

The two make noises of agreement that are drowned out by the crowds music as Mingyu and Wonwoo force their way through the sea of people.

Thankfully most people move when they see him, though some just raise their eyebrows at him.

Once the two are out of the house Mingyu takes a deep breath, the outside chilled air cooling him down and giving tiny nips to his skin. Beside him Wonwoo sighs too.

He finally let's go of the others shoulders, coming up to walk beside him instead of behind. He leans down a bit to see the others face.  
"You still okay?"

Wonwoo nods lazily, side stepping at he walks and bumps into Mingyu. The other doesn't pull away, instead chewing on his inner cheek in both concern and slight amusement.

The two continue their walk to Mingyus car silently, the music from the party slowly fading out as they get closer.

Mingyu pulls his keys out and unlocks the doors, helping Wonwoo into the passenger seat. He'd forgot that Wonwoo's shirt was cropped until his hand hit a strip of skin when he touched the others back, he frowns at how cold the others skin is.

Once Wonwoo had gotten settled, Mingyu pulled open the door to the backseats, grabbing the extra zip-up hoodie he'd left there from months ago. He shuts the door and pulls open the passenger door again, handing the senior the hoodie.  
"Here, put this on."

Wonwoo hums in response as Mingyu shuts the door again and and by the time the other jogs around the car to the drive side Wonwoo is already wearing the hoodie like a snuggy.

Mingyu wants to question it, after all that's not the way to wear a hoodie, but Wonwoo looks content so he just shakes off an eye roll and starts the car.

The drive back to Mingyus house is silent, the senior having fallen asleep within a minute of their trip. Even when they arrive and Mingyu has to carry the other into his house like a parent it's silent, and when Mingyu lays down on his floor to sleep it's silent.

It leaves Mingyu to gloss over the nights events as he watches the other sleep.

He wants to say that he's disappointed to have to have left the party, but deep down he realizes that he doesn't mind that much. After all, he's glad nothing happened.

It also makes him think of what could have happened, if he either hadn't shown up or if he'd gotten there any soon or later. Wonwoo could have been seriously hurt, and that doesn't sit right with him.

The weird thoughts of just who Wonwoo was to him came back, the odd feelings that he can't describe flooded him each time he glanced at the older, curled up in the passenger seat as if he was almost as tall as Mingyu.

There's one emotion that Mingyu does recognize though, because he feels it for Minghao. Protectiveness.

He doesn't know why, Wonwoo is older and could take care of himself. But deep down Mingyu feels like he can't, that there's something so frail about the senior that he can't pin point.

He's not sure he'll ever understand what he feels or how Wonwoo plays into his life. It's as mysterious as the senior.

Mingyu sighs as he shifts onto his back, staring up at his ceiling and listening to Wonwoo's breathing until he drifts off as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: 
> 
> 1\. "宝贝!" : Baby!
> 
> 2\. "天冷了,你会生病的!" : It's getting cold and you could get sick!
> 
> 3\. "小浩...哎哟!" : Little Hao...ouch!


	9. 00:09

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He snorts as the other finally makes it to the counter and slumps against the surface, pressing his cheek to the cool marble and sighing.  
> "How are you feeling?"
> 
> "How much do I have to pay you to throw me in front of a semi?" Wonwoo mumbles out, though most of it is too slurred to understand.

  
When Mingyu wakes up, he's confused.

He's sprawled out on the floor of his bedroom and staring up at his ceiling. His sleep boggled brain lags, the feeling slowly returning to his body until he can finally turn his head.

The morning light it glaring through his open curtains to bounce off the walls and blind him as his glazed over eyes attempt to focus.

He sits up, back popping with a satisfactory _crack_. Ruffling his hear and yawning, he turns to look at his bed blinking.

Seeing the curled up figure of Wonwoo blending in with his blankets thankfully warms up his frozen memory. The previous night, the party, the alcohol, and a gone Wonwoo, all rush back to him and forcibly wake him up more.

He sighs, slowly pushing himself up with a low grunt and walks over to his bed to grab his phone from its charger.

He glances at the time, it's only a quarter passed 8. Mingyu sets his phone back down, shifting his gaze to the senior.

Wonwoo is curled into a ball, face squished into the same pillow he's attempting to wrap his body around. He reminds Mingyu of a child, and the thought makes him repress a chuckle.

He glances at the senior one more time in thought before he goes about his normal morning routine, but not before dropping off a cup of water and Aspirin.

Mingyu listens for a second before he drops down the stairs, finding the coast clear of any movement in the house. Both of his parents are gone, thankfully.

He pads his way into the kitchen, thinking over what to make for breakfast.

One of the only advantages to not having your parents around was the eventual need to learn how to cook. Some may say it's a disadvantage, but at least he knows he won't have to survive on microwavable meals once he moves out.

Mingyu pulls the refrigerator door open, humming to himself before grabbing only the carton of eggs. Thinking over what would be best for Wonwoo to eat left him with eggs and toast.

As Mingyu shifts around the kitchen to start cooking his attention shifts back to the night before.

Something inside of him is in destress, the nights events seemed to only now fully digest.

Wonwoo is still a mystery, but he thinks he's slowly starting to understand little tiny fragments of who he was. Last night however showed Mingyu an entire new side of his life.

How many times does someone have to be drugged at a party for them to blow it off like it's normal? Just how many times does it take for someone to try to force themselves onto you for you to think it's okay?

It worried him, just how Wonwoo thinks of himself and life.

Sure, Mingyu hates life. It's a fucked up and unfair thing, but he knows right from wrong. What has Wonwoo gone through for him to drop the right or wrong system.

The more he thinks and theorizes the more worried he becomes, and that in its self confuses him too. He still doesn't grasp why he's so drawn to Wonwoo, but would he ever?

He hated this weird bipolar switch of his emotions towards the other, one minute he wants to get closer and the next he's scared about it and wants to retreat. He feels like a child, dodging the topic whenever he thinks about it.

_He could really use a cigarette._

Mingyu sighs to himself, absently plating the finished eggs and toast. He sets the plates on the island counter and nearly drops one when a figure walks through the archway.

Wonwoo stumbles into the kitchen, hands rubbing at his eyes and hair ruffled to lay more wild than normal. He's still in his clothes from the party, which Mingyu feels bad for forcing him to do.

He snorts as the other finally makes it to the counter and slumps against the surface, pressing his cheek to the cool marble and sighing.   
"How are you feeling?"

"How much do I have to pay you to throw me in front of a semi?" Wonwoo mumbles out, though most of it is too slurred to understand.

Mingyu sighs, grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator and setting it next to the plate closest to Wonwoo.  
"Here, eat this first and then we'll talk about death."

Mingyu leaves the kitchen, hearing a groan come from the senior, and bounds up the stairs to his bedroom.

He pushes the door open, pausing for a moment to look at the newly made bed and the blankets that Mingyu has used the night before now folded on the corner of his bed. He feels a weird pinch in his chest that makes him shake his head and march over to his jeans and pulling the pack of Marlboro from the pocket.

He leaves again, not glancing at the bed as he does.

Mingyu makes his way back towards the kitchen, subconsciously picking at the corner of the little box in his hand as he does. As he re-enters the kitchen he notices Wonwoo slowly eating.

The other turns to him with a raised eyebrow, Mingyu sends him a miniscule smile.   
"I'll be right back."

He doesn't wait for an answer before he's already sliding open the glass door and walking out onto the back patio.

Mingyu takes a deep breath, the cool morning air around him filling his lungs. He makes his way to the little bench off to the side, the old wood creaking under his added weight.

He slumps, pulling a cigarette and his lighter from his pack.

He listens to the birds chirping their songs, the cars in the distance driving by, and the low muffle of someone mowing their lawn somewhere in the neighborhood.

He tilts his head back to rest against the side of the house, letting the warmth of the nicotine coat his nerves.

He keeps his head blank, choosing to focus only on the light breeze that brushing passed him in that moment. Even as the glass door slides open again and the light padding of feet approach him he tries to keep himself steady.

Wonwoo sits next to him, quiet for a moment before speaking up in a whisper.   
"Are you okay?"

Mingyu doesn't reply automatically, choosing instead to let his head roll to the side a bit to face him. He watches Wonwoo's face, memories of the others pale face from last night popping into his head.   
"Yeah, just a lot on my mind. You?"

The other nods  
"I'm good, the aspirin is kicking in."

Mingyu nods back, taking another drag off of his cigarette and blowing the smoke away from Wonwoo.

There's a moment of silence between them before Mingyu breaks it, this time his voice is a whisper.   
"Do you remember much of last night?"

Wonwoo shrugs, watching the milky clouds passing over them.   
"Not much."

"What do you remember?" He presses.

A pause.

Wonwoo sighs. "I remember getting there with Jun, it was pretty early so we just hung out with 'Coups and his friends before everything really started. Eventually me and Jun got separated, I got a drink and then everything goes blurry." He turns to Mingyu "Why? Did something happen?"

Mingyu huffs, putting out his cigarette by crushing it against the benches arm. He pauses for a moment before deciding what to say.   
"Wonwoo, have you ever been drugged at a party before?"

The other sighs, slumping in his seat and drawing Mingyus attention. He glances at his face, the sadness and annoyance there makes him squint. Wonwoo speaks up, not even glancing at Mingyu.   
"So that's what happened."

"Last night Jun said it's happened before, a few times...even _you_ said so."

"Yeah, it has." Wonwoo mumbles, he tucks his hands under his thighs and leans forward a bit to look around the yard.

"Do you-"

"You know what the worst part is?" Wonwoo cuts him off, Mingyu just watches him. The senior sighs. "I can never tell if it's because they want to sleep with me or if it's to see if I'll embarrass myself."

Mingyu thinks back to what Wonwoo had drunkenly said the night before and frowns.

_“ Almost every party I go to. I don't know why...they could just ask me instead of spiking my drinks...it's really annoying. ”_

He glanced back towards Wonwoo, watching him frowning. He doesn't like how easily the other would drop himself like that, how he's normalized it.

"Can we not talk about this anymore?" Wonwoo asks, voice tight and tense.

Mingyu sighs, nodding his head and following Wonwoo as he stands up to go back inside. Their conversation dropping off.

Even hours later, after spending time in Mingyus living room watching move after movie and eventually the drive to drop Wonwoo off at the park much to the juniors disapproval, Mingyu wishes he had pressed the subject more for once.

For once he wished he could have been the normal blunt and uncaring Mingyu he always used to be, _not the oddly soft and curious filled boy Wonwoo had turned him into._


	10. 00:10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The realization of what Wonwoo was implying finally sets in, and Mingyus stomach churns._

Mingyu doesn't like school, at least he doesn't like classwork and the unrealistic expectations that high schoolers have pushed onto them.

He'd learned long ago that the system only cares about the highest ranking students and blatantly ignores the underachieving student body.

It was a fucked up cycle that would place some kids on such a high pedestal that they'd grow halos around their heads and preach the words of something almighty, and the rest of the student body would either bow at their feet or plot their downfall.

Giving someone a god complex at such a young age must do something to their growth, he's sure of it.

Dramatic imagery aside, Mingyu hates school.

It's one of the many reasons he knows of that makes him _"act out"._ He quotes that because in retrospect, he's not that rebellious.

Sure, smoking and skating could be perceived as an act of rebellion, but beyond that he doesn't do much. Not turning in homework is barely a scratch to the surface, and skipping lunch isn't inherently bad. Right?

Maybe he's over thinking everything, maybe school isn't horrible and he's just pessimistic and cynical. But still, school sucks, even if he looks at it in a _positive_ light.

Currently, he's behind his school, again.

Mingyu really likes the back of the building, it's quiet and out of sight. Nobody shows up and nobody thinks to look for him there, minus a few people.

It's turned into his own space, one were he can feel like breathing even as he suffocates himself with heavy smoke.

Getting into November means that the temperature is dropping steadily even more, the chilled breeze clears his mind for a short time and cools his finger tips until they slowly start to burn.

It's nice, even if he misses the summer sun he finds himself enjoying the fall changes. He'll go back to hating it once spring hits though.

He'll admit, very quietly and by himself, that he's stressed. With the end of the first semester approaching he's been told by several teachers that he need to work on his grades. He's short on credits from his lax Freshmen year and if he doesn't pass all of his classes this year he'll probably be held back.

It's an internal conflict of wanting to finish for himself but also being so sick of looking at numbers that won't help him in daily life. School helps only those who go straight to college, but in the end does it really help even them?

It's hard to get a job in your graduate profession at school, people want experience too, but anymore you need a college diploma for a McDonald's job it seems.

It's a double edged sword, and Mingyu is tired of it.

He's lost, a child still confused about the meaning of life and why we're here. He hated that adults paint growing up as magic, when in reality we're so unprepared for everything by the time to thrust everything into us at eighteen.

He hates not being in control of his life, and yes sure we can't control everything but saying that doesn't make it easier to accept.

Mingyu sighs, letting his head fall back to bump the brick wall.

He feels sick to his stomach thinking about this, makes him uneasy and squeamish. He takes a heavy puff off of his cigarette and breaths out through his nose.

There's a crunch of foot steps approaching him, but for once he doesn't flinch.

He doesn't need to look to know that Wonwoo is jumping up to sit on the A/C unit like before. He can already tell that the other is switching his gaze from Mingyu to the field in front of them. He waits for his familiar low voice to speak up and ask the question he doesn't know he's ready to answer.

"Are you okay?"

Mingyu sighs again, slumping again the wall more and dropping his head to glance at Wonwoo before dropping his gaze down to the burning tip of his cigarette.

He shrugs, not trusting his voice in that moment.

"Do you want to talk?" Wonwoo tries again, and Mingyu notes that he sounds odd today.

His voice isn't as monotonous as normal, it hold something that forces the ends of his sentences to raise like he's worried. It's new, but Mingyu doesn't mind it. Though it does spark a new kind of stress inside of his mind, one that revolves around nothing but Wonwoo and it's entirety.

But he tries to push that one away, after all one problem at a time.

Mingyu pauses as he thinks over Wonwoo's question.

Does he want to talk about how he both feels like a failure but at the same time doesn't care? Would that even make sense, or would it make him seem like an indecisive ass. Plus can he trust his own words not to smart off and ruin the weird not relationship he's developed with Wonwoo?

He's not sure what he can say and can't say around the older still, he doesn't want him to close off more but he can't keep walking on eggshells.

Mingyu huffs, shrugging again as he speaks.   
"No, maybe? I'm just stressed out over dumb shit..."

Wonwoo frowns at him  
"I don't think any problem is dumb, it's important to whoever is dealing with it. So, what's wrong?"

"I'm just..." A pause "...very confused about life and where it's going."

"That's not a dumb worry, everyone is confused about life."

Now it's Mingyus turn to frown.   
"I guess...you know it sucks, I never used to care about this type of shit."

Wonwoo snorts, lightening the mood just a hair.   
"Hm, it seems the school bad boy has lost his way."

"Maybe..." Mingyu sighs again.

There's a short pause in conversation between the two before Wonwoo hops down from where he was sitting to stand in front of Mingyu, almost startling the junior who immediately moved the hand holding his cigarette away so he doesn't burn him.

The sudden closing of the distance confuses him, making him frown and make a noise of surprise.   
"What are you doing?"

Wonwoo tilts his head and glances around Mingyu face before he's suddenly stretching up a bit and pressing a kiss to the others lips.

It's short, barely a full five seconds before the realization of what's happening sets in.

Mingyu jerks back, head smacking again the wall with a painful thud followed by a choked noise. He ducks down, hand coming up to rub at the back of his head. He hears Wonwoo ask if he's alright.

He straightens up, turning to a guilty looking Wonwoo.   
"What the fuck was that?!"

Subconsciously he regrets his tone after he sees Wonwoo's tensed flinch, but in that moment his mind is racing.  
Wonwoo just kissed him, completely unprompted and random.

Adding this on top of his already confusing feelings towards the senior, he's lost. He's more confused than before and he just feels weird.

"Sorry" the other finally mumbles, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie down over his hands and picking at the fabric.

Mingyu frowns, tossing his long forgotten cigarette onto the ground and stepping on it.   
"Why'd you do that?"

Wonwoo shrugs  
"Distraction."

A sigh, Mingyu slumps against the wall again.   
"What do you even mean..."

Another shrug.  
"I thought I could help, distract you from whatever your stressing over for a bit."

The realization of what Wonwoo was implying finally sets in, and Mingyus stomach churns.

Mingyu feels uncomfortable, a sense of guilt washing over him as he stares at Wonwoo. He shakes his head to get rid of the feeling and looks away.

There's an awkward silence between the two before Mingyu sighs to himself and grabs Wonwoo's wrist, tugging him away from be home the school silently.

The senior, for what it's worth, is silent as well. Stumbling behind him like a puppy.

_He needs a distraction._


	11. 00:11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Important A/N before we start.]
> 
> Sorry for the sudden and extremely quick update, but I felt like chapters 10 and 11 should have been uploaded together back to back verses me making you wait. Now:
> 
> This chapter is darker than most others, there's no comedic relief and it's only meant to be taken seriously. This chapter is meant to portray a trait of one of the characters that hasn't been completely touched on yet. The character - I'm not saying who yet - is not mentally stable, and thus their actions do not define them as a person. 
> 
> Neither Mingyu nor Wonwoo have a healthy mindset throughout this story, and though it slowly gets better, mental illness is a serious thing and doesn't just go away.
> 
> I've never explicitly said what Disorders the characters have solely because I don't want to paint the illnesses in only one color. Mental Disorders are experienced differently for everyone, these unnamed one are based off of my personal experience and my best friends experience.
> 
> I also wanted to say that, there's no smut/sex scene in this story. It's implied once and its a very meaningful moment for the characters.
> 
> Thank you!   
> Now enjoy the chapter!   
> (Don't forget to comment or point out any mistakes I have made!)

Guilt is something that very few people can ignore. 

  
Unlike sadness or anger, it doesn't fade at the call of a lover or friends plea. No, guilt eats you, it decays your mind and body like a disease.

Guilt has many forms, it comes from a wide variety of situations. The guilt of a lie, the guilt of a close death, the guilt of a cheater.

Mingyu is guilty.

It started off as a kiss, something that could be taken as something small and insignificant. But it made his heart squeeze and pinch, and after a while of thinking and stooping it over it angered him.

But he wasn't angry about the actual press of lips, he's angry about the circumstances.

The guilt eats him whole as he all but drags Wonwoo behind him, towards his cold and unloved house.

He doesn't believe in those bullshit stories of seeing fireworks when kissing someone special and he doesn't think those books that middle aged women read about _the dashing man falling for the beautiful women_ could be any further from the truth. That's not how the real world works, there's no magic between lovers and love at first sight doesn't exist.

Wonwoo still stumbles behind him, silent and keeping pace with his on steps.

Mingyu reasons that the way his fingers burn over their place around Wonwoo's wrist is because his body temperature is up three degrees.

Once his house comes into view he slows down a bit, just a hair. He's beginning to feel conflicted, his plan faltering before his eyes with each step they take.

Guilt is a fucked up emotion.

He takes a deep breath, loosening his harsh grip on the seniors wrist drastically, and pulls his keys from his pocket.

The house is cold, it's always cold. It's not a home, it's a house.   
But for once he doesn't focus on that, not with Wonwoo behind him.

Mingyus bedroom brings a new emotion to the boiling cauldron inside of his chest. Is laces itself with the guilt that's licking at him like fire, _sadness_.

It amplifies once he's pushed Wonwoo to stand in the middle of the room and met his eyes.

His silence is explained by the glassy look in dark brown eyes, the blank and unfocused stare.

Mingyu frowns, stepping closer and bringing a hand up to rest at Wonwoo's cheek. It's an intimate gesture, and he's not sure why he's doing it. _Subconsciously he sees the small scar across Wonwoo's cheekbone and covers it with his thumb._

"Wonwoo?"

The other hums but doesn't move.

"Hey...look at me" he mutters, a new guilt boiling in his chest.

Wonwoo blinks, eyes lifting up from where they'd been level with his throat and looking almost through him, to meet his gaze. The glassy coating is still there.

Mingyu thinks his lungs have stopped working for a moment, because Wonwoo isn't with him in that moment. He's somewhere else, inside of his own mind. Mingyu did that to him.

The slowly draining emotions from before dissolve almost instantly once he realizes what's happened. He's seen this before.

It's happened to Minghao before, and it terrified him. It had been a year prior, and like this time it had been Mingyus fault. He'd yelled, took his anger at the time out on his bestfriend and Jun, he doesn't even remember why he was so mad.

But Minghao had just...left. his body didn't move but it was like his soul ran away and hid.   
Jun had yelled right back at Mingyu and punched him in the face, which he deserved. 

But it was the same, he recognised that glass and gone look.

His chest hurt, like he'd been shot.

Mingyu takes a shuttered breath, bending down just a bit to be level with Wonwoo.   
"H-Hey...Wonwoo? Come back to me...hey..."

When he doesn't reply or gain any consciousness Mingyu feels panic flood his body. His hand moves down from Wonwoo's cheek to land on his shoulder, grip light as he shakes the other a bit. Mingyu is muttering, mumbling the same things over, praying that he'll hear him calling for him.

But he doesn't even flinch, still stuck in whatever memory or dream he's been sucked into. Wonwoo is still dissociating and clouding over his own consciousness all because of Mingyu.

His skin crawls, he's no better than anyone else.

Wonwoo had told him once that he wasn't as bad as he'd thought he was, but how can Mingyu keep those words close to his heart when the thought had briefly floated around his mind earlier.

A distraction, sure it'd be distracting.

But now, with his head clearer, he feels like throwing up. People like Mingyu, they're the reason Wonwoo would _offer_ or _imply_ what he has and does. People like him are the reason that Wonwoo doesn't believe that his story matters, that he doesn't matter.

Mingyu let's out a choked noise, like the air in his lungs is wet and drowning him.

Suddenly he's pulling Wonwoo to his chest, arms wrapping around the older like he's trying to hide him from the world. He holds tight, trying not to inhale the smell of floral fabric softener and light scented cologne.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

They call from his mouth, muffled by the way his heads been tilts down to bury into the others shoulder. Apologies, so many to drip down, repeated a hundred times over and over again.

Mingyu also let's go completely when he feels arms wrapping around his waist, hands grabbing the back of his jacket. He doesn't falter, whispering his words and squeezing tighter until Wonwoo mumbles that it's starting to hurt. He eases up enough for the other to breathe.

He wonders if Wonwoo can hear his heart, can hear it's thudding race to cardiac arrest.

"I'm sorry. It's not like that..." he mumbles out again, but this time it's not spoken to deaf ears.

"It's okay..."

Mingyu pulls back abruptly, looking at Wonwoo's paled face. His eyes are normal again, though now they seem sad as he pulls away.

" _It's not okay!"_   
The shout startles them both.

Wonwoo shrinks into himself, and immediately Mingyu bites down on his tongue hard enough to taste blood.

**He just keeps fucking up.**

There's an awkward silence that floats between them, and the only thing that even attempts to break it is the light squeaking springs of Mingyus bed as he sits down, his elbows resting on his knees so he can hide his face in his hands.

He hated this, the feeling of disgust he's developed for himself.

The sting behind his eyes comes again, but instead of letting anything fall he rubs the heel of his hand into his eyes roughly. He has no reason to cry, he's not the one hurt nor is he the one who gets to feel sick.

He feels a hand grabs his own and try to pull it away, but he grunts and jerks away from the touch like it's burnt him.

Wonwoo stands in front of him, trying to grab a hold of Mingyus wrists or fingers, whatever he can get first. He's too close, and Mingyu doesn't want to touch him anymore.

"Mingyu... _Mingyu!_ "

His movements halt, panic and anxiety bubbling up his throat from his stomach. Wonwoo's hands finally grip his, pulling the away from face and down out of the way.

Wonwoo let's go of his hands once there's not struggle to bring them back up, he places his own hands on the sides of Mingyus face, pulling up so that he'll meet his gaze.

Mingyus eyes glance around at Wonwoo's expression, picking it apart the best he can in that moment. It's not angry or blank, it's sad. There's a frown that's deeper than Wonwoo's normal frowns, his eyebrows are tilting up and together in something akin to concern, but Mingyu thinks that's just his eyes messing with him.

Mingyu doesn't deserve concern.

But still, Wonwoo looks around his face, eyes darting between his own eyes and to the tiny scratch marks from his nails.

"Calm down..." Wonwoo's voice is a whisper, tiny and soft.

Mingyu wants to vomit again.  
"I hurt you. You should hate me..."

The other shakes his head, frown thinning out into a line.   
"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did!" Mingyu raises his voice again, but drops it down to a whimpering whisper right after. "You left...you just..."

Wonwoo sighs.   
"It wasn't your fault, I knew weren't going to do anything! Sometimes I just..."

Mingyu flinches as he feels Wonwoo brush his thumbs under his eye, a soft touch that makes him feel sick because Wonwoo should be touching him.

"But what if I did! What if I just pulled you around just like the others? Pushed you into my bedroom and let you _distract_ me?" His voice keeps rises and falling between a shout and a dropped whisper. He can't stop it, both anger and guilt gnawing at his insides as Wonwoo's hand on his skin burns.

Wonwoo shakes his head at him.   
"Stop it! You're not like that, you know you're not!"

Mingyu stands up so suddenly that Wonwoo is forced to stumble back a step, his eyes widening for a fraction of a second.

"But I fucking thought about it, Wonwoo! So stop acting like you know everything about me, like you can seem right fucking through me!"

"Mingyu..."

"No, listen to me! I'm so sick of everyone around me thinking they know what's best for me!" Mingyu knows he's shouting, but he can't find it in him self to stop anymore. "You think I'm this nice guy, but I'm just as horrible as the fucking guys that you let fuck you!"

"Stop..."

"Did you tell them to stop to or is that just for me? Do you think that just because I didn't call you a few fucked up names that I was any better than them? You don't fucking know me, Wonwoo!"

"Please..."

"Maybe it was that, maybe the fucking rumors are true and you saw me as a new _fuck_! Is that it Wonwoo, was this your plan all along? Fucking talk you wh-"

Before the last cruel word can fall from Mingyus mouth his head his thrown to the side from the heavy _punch_ that landed on his jaw. His lungs give out and in that moment his vision is perfectly clear.

He turns his head back to Wonwoo standing in front of him, the realization of what's happening setting in.

The boy he'd only known for a short time, the one who'd wanted to learn to skateboard, the one who made Mingyu so confused of his feels towards to the point that he didn't know what to do. The boy who he'd stared at and wondered about for so long now.

A boy that Mingyu had...had never seen cry before...was crying.

Wonwoo wasn't balling, or sobbing. It wasn't a heart wrenching choked noise that you'd see in movies, and maybe that's what made Mingyus own heart twist so hard it might rip.

No, Wonwoo only had silent tears rolling down his pale face. His eyes were wide, the over head light catching the building water ready to tip over his waterline. His hand was still raised up, knuckles red and fingers twitching with each breath he took.

But maybe what hurt the most wasn't the tears or the pain in his jaw. It was the familiar dead look behind those tears.

Mingyu physically can't breathe, his lungs won't work and his head is becoming light. He feels like he's suffocating.

Wonwoo speaks, voice watery and whispered.   
"You're wrong, you're not like the other guys...you're so much worse."

Mingyu watches Wonwoo leave.

He doesn't storm out, he walks out slowly with unsteady feet. He doesn't slam the doors.

And Mingyu, he just lets his legs give out under him and crashes down on his knees, his eyes staring at the spot Wonwoo stood.

_He's so much worse._


	12. 00:12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Mingyu was a ticking time bomb and instead of anyone getting the blast, Wonwoo did._

  
Some people say that heartbreak is one of the worst feelings to experience.

The fact that it's possible to hospitalize ones self, or even die, just by witnessing something that truly breaks the heart is enough to stress how bad it can be.

Those who've never experienced a broken heart, who's never dealt with the sudden crushing weight on their chests or the tight sharp pinch truly are lucky.

Though, heartbreak is a natural thing, it's something we all go through and it's a part of life and growing up.

Mingyu wishes he felt the pain, could feel the burn and ache and sorrow that everyone says comes with a broken heart.

But he doesn't, he feels nothing.  
Two weeks later he still feels nothing.

Two weeks...

It's been two weeks since he'd talked to Wonwoo, the glimpses of the older at school do nothing to ease his uneven guilt.

The truth is that Mingyu can't find it in himself to stare at the senior any longer than a shifting glance, the sight of baggy hoodies and messy black hair is enough to make bile rise up his throat.

He hasn't spoken to Minghao very much, and Jun refuses to look at him much like his friend.

It's been two weeks, and all Mingyu has done is shifted from a pack a day to two and kicked a whole through his wall.

As if he could complain or consider his side of the situation bad.

From the glances he gets of Wonwoo, the ones that make him feeling like vomiting, the other isn't doing so well. that only intensifies the faint tinge of guilt that's laying dormant in his chest.

The thing is that, Mingyu isn't sure why he feels the need to, well, feel _sad_.

The logical side of Mingyu's brain tells him that he should feel _guilt_ , and _sorrow,_ and even true deep _remorse and regret_. That side understands that he's done wrong, and that he needs to fix both himself and the situation the best he can.

The other side is full of repressed anger and bitterness. Wonwoo should have listened to him, and the other was just too naive to realise just how fucked up Mingyu is. He's not a saint and he's not special.

The brunt of it is that Mingyu knows, even logical Mingyu, that if he hadn't spent so much time with Wonwoo before that day, he would have slept with him or at least had gone as far as he'd been allowed to. And maybe that's what fucked him up the most.

Mingyu had spent so much of his life pushed aside, seen as not good enough or someone to ignore and label. So when Wonwoo came tromping in, with his annoyingly mysterious aura and ugly hoodies, he only brought more confusing thoughts to Mingyus already crumpling and packed mind.

Before Wonwoo there had only been brief attractions, sex wasn't sacred nor was it something that had ever almost repulsed him at the thought. But this boy came, and suddenly Mingyu couldn't see him as another escapade, and his attraction that still muffled his brain wasn't one that he would have normally acted on.

Wonwoo had completely, and unknowingly, made Mingyu subconsciously regret sleeping with people the way he did before.

And beyond that, Wonwoo had somehow made Mingyu trust him.

Mingyu didn't like many people, he thought that relationships were trivial, romantic and platonic alike. Minghao had been his first friend ever, and while Jun and Seokmin were technically his friends too everyone knew that they were more Minghao's than Mingyu's.

Looking back, Mingyu had started to treat and think of Wonwoo like a friend. Even if he didn't realize it at the time.

He'd never try to tech someone to skateboard, he'd never someone else to his house when they're drunk to help them out, he'd never sit in a park at night and eat Pringles with someone he didn't trust and like. But of course, he's just not realizing all of this.

He actually liked Wonwoo, he was strange and confusing but he was cool and oddly kind to him.

Mingyu remembers the day he'd fought with Jackson, how Wonwoo hadn't been pissed off at him solely for fighting but rather that he'd let Jackson rile him up to that point. He'd still helped Mingyu with his nose, and had even given him his number. It had been weird in the moment only because Mingyu was too blind to see through Wonwoo's thin wall of protection.

And that's what it had been, a wall of protection.

Wonwoo was so used to being used and thrown away by people that he probably expected Mingyu to do the same eventually. But Mingyu had fucked up and basically manipulated the guy into an accidental false sense of security, and then he'd broke him.

Because that's exactly what happened, Mingyu was a ticking time bomb and instead of anyone getting the blast, Wonwoo did.

Wonwoo, who'd grown to trust him and who he'd grown to trust.

_All Mingyu did was fuck up._   
  
  



	13. 00:13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If he was sober, he'd realize that he's probably taken a few too many shots and realistically he should either find a ride or a place to lay down. However, he's drunk and in the end Mingyu's already taking blurry steps towards the kitchen again.

Human emotions are hard to describe, they're feelings over all and there is no real word in any language to accurately express them all.

If you asked Mingyu what he felt in that moment. If he could even get past the drunken daze that had set into his head, he'd probably tell you that he felt happy.

He felt what, logically, he knew was just the endorphins that the surrounding party beats and voices caused. His head was fine, hazy but buzzing with adrenaline as the people around him laughed and danced along with the heavy bass of the music that in any other circumstance he'd hate. In that moment though, he felt free and happy.

There was no parents, no school, no drama besides the bickering girls who took too many bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade. To Mingyu, Wonwoo, Minghao, and Jun didn't exist.

What existed in that moment was only the sharp taste of Vodka that warmed his stomach and the dubstep beat that Seungcheol chose to play that night.

Today he's not Mingyu the sober boy who kills everything he touches, no today he's _Mingyu, drunk off of his ass and not even ignoring the not so subtle looks the girl on the other side of the room is sending him._

In the back of his head he can hear a voice, one that annoyingly sounds like Minghao's lightly accented lectures, telling him that he's going to regret everything that night. But he shakes it off and takes another gulp from the cup in his hand, it's his sixth cup of straight Gray Goose since he'd arrived if you wanted to know.

He doesn't dance, he's not _that_ drunk yet, but he does bob his head to the beat.

Parties were weird, and no matter how many he goes to hell never fully understand what the appeal is.

Drinking, while not something he'd do daily, is fun in a way that is as hard to describe as emotions. The music is okay, mostly top 40s mainstream tunes that get overplayed to the point that you hate that you know the words in full. There's always a fight at some point, two drunken jocks or two knockoff valley girls are bound to entertain the crowd with hard punches and slaps.

There's hook ups and pot circles, but Mingyu had never really found that all to fun.

Mingyu wasn't a party animal, and if he's being honest he thinks that he only indulges himself to go with the flow and conform to the mass.

It's a fun change of pace, he can't use the word _distraction_ anymore.

When Mingyu was in his freshman year he'd gone to his first high school party, it was in a town over and he'd been persuaded to go via Minghao's dumb puppy eyes.

It had been standard, awkward fumbling around because they didn't know what to do or where to go, too much alcohol, and having to rely on Jun to pick them up even though he'd only had his permit for a week prior.

After that the two, sometimes three — if Jun tagged along, of them would go to some of the smaller more contained parties that would allow them. Of course by then Mingyu had starting gaining _popularity_ for his looks and attitude so they were asked to come a lot more by the time they'd hit their sophomore year.

It was weird to go to a party by himself now, before he'd always tag with Minghao but today Minghao still wasn't talking to him outside of class so he'd went on his own.

By himself now, he feels himself leaning too far to one side. He bumps shoulders with someone, he doesn't recognize the guy but he grimaces when the guy steadies him with wide eyes.

Mingyu nods his head in the guys direction, almost immediately regretting it as his head swims at the sudden movement. He mumbles an apology and stumbles away.

If he was sober, he'd realize that he's probably taken a few too many shots and realistically he should either find a ride or a place to lay down. However, he's drunk and in the end Mingyu's already taking blurry steps towards the kitchen again.

The music is a bit distracting, there's too many people in the small hallway he's trying to push himself through, and he stumbles over his own shoes more than once. But he makes it, catching himself on the counter when he missteps again and nearly face plants.

There's too many options in front of him, the clear and dark liquor sits in shinny bottles with colored labels that he can no longer read out and can only hope that whatever he's making grabby hands at won't taste like the smell of burning trash. He snags a frosted glass bottle, there's little blotches in white paint that he vaguely thinks are flowers, and pours it into his new cup. He's not sure where the other one went, he swears it was just in his hand.

As he sets the bottle down a hand smacks down on his shoulder. He sluggishly startles.

Behind him is Seungcheol, or at least someone he thinks is Seungcheol. He should probably not drink his new cup, but he knows he's going to anyways so there not point in his rational side trying anymore.

"Hey, Mingyu! Did I scare ya'?"

The junior huffs, his boggled brain akwardly slow to understand what was said to him. He shifts, hand pressing into the thin and cheap plastic of his cup.   
"A lil' bit..."

Seungcheol gives him a look, hand falling down from where it had been resting on his shoulder.   
"You sound a bit gone, you good?"

Mingyu mumbles something unintelligible, his lack of a clear response to the question is obvious to the other just how intoxicated he is. Seungcheol laughs, and pats his shoulder again.   
"Okay, how about you come with me..."

The junior hums and follows a bit clumsily after.

Seungcheol leads him through the crowd out of the kitchen and out the sliding door that leads to the back yard.

The outside air his clean and sharp, chilled. It's much quieter compared to indoors, only the muffled thump of music and the soft chatter and laughter of a group of people around a small lit fire pit. Seungcheol announces their arrival a bit dramatically, making a gesture towards Mingyu like he's showing off an oddity. 

Mingyu himself can't recognize many people in the small circle, maybe one or two if he squints hard. But most greet him like they've been his friend. He's plopped down next to Seungcheol, in-between him and another guy who he very faintly recognizes.

Despite the pleasant greetings, nobody really talks to or acknowledges him. He doesn't mind it too much, instead choosing to chew on the edge of his cup in a way that had never been a habit for him before. At some point he'd either spilled all of his drink or had already swallowed it down, his cup's empty.

Mingyu doesn't really know what to do, even in his blurry consciousness he recognizes that he doesn't really belong in this crowd. Most are college students, talking about projects and complaining about deadlines that he'll never have to deal with. He feels out of place, just like everywhere else it seems anymore.

This party isn't his scene, and rationally he knows he only came for a _distraction_ but really that word is completely ruined for him at this point and makes him want to puke up the vodka he'd ingested.

He can hear two people talking, both voices are awfully familiar, and one he knows for a fact is Seungcheol. He lifts his head up, when it fell down he doesn't know, and squints at the two voices.

There's someone standing up, dressed in black with their face too blurry for him to make out, talking directly to Seungcheol who's now standing up from beside Mingyu. They seem to be arguing, why he doesn't know.

"... _has he had?"_

_"I told you....kitchen by himself....brought him here"_

_"...are they here?"_

_"...not that I know of...said they had a date when I asked."_

_"you're no help!"_

_"no shit!"_

Mingyu has _absolutely_ no idea what's happening or why the two are fighting, but he's apparently the topic and that rubs him the wrong way. He's ready to protest, butt in even though he doesn't know what he's defending, but a hand grabbing his arm and pulling at him to stand stops him.

He's not sure why but he stands and follows the person who's tugging him by his hoodies sleeve. He can't see the person's face, they have their own hoodie on that's got it's hood pulled up. He's sure it's a guy, their shoulders are too broad to be a girl's and their voice seemed deeper than most.

The person pulls him back into the house and through the crowds, and eventually he's lead out of the house all together.

Realistically he shouldn't allow this to happen, hell this is basically kidnapping, but he's too hazy to think clearly. He's mumbling under his breath, inaudible to his own ears.

He's pulled towards a small car, where the person opens the door and gently leads him to sit in the passenger seat before shutting it and leaving him alone for a moment.

The cars tiny, his legs are cramped and his head hits the roof if he sits up straight. But, it's clean and smells like light cologne and something floral that makes his head spin a little. The other guy gets in, silently starting up the car and pulling away from where ever he had parked.

Mingyu slumps in the seat, and lets his head fall to rest against the seats headrest. He glances at the other, finally getting to see a bit of his face not that the hood has fallen down.

He's oddly familiar, and Mingyu mumbles out without realizing it.  
"Hey...you look like Woowon!" He frowns "Wonton...Wooton...Won...woo..Wonwoo!"

The other doesn't respond, only sending him a look that he doesn't really notice as he mumbles out random things.   
"Man....I miss him...I miss Hao and Jun too, they don't wanna talk to me anymore"

He's quite for a moment before he bites out in an impressively loud voice for how sleepy he's gotten due to the warm heat coming from the cars vents.  
"I really fucked it up with everyone!"

The guy jerks the wheel in surprise before he calms down too and glances at Mingyu again and sighs. He speaks up, though Mingyu is already nodding off by the time the words leave his lips.

"What am I gonna do with you, _dumbass_..."


	14. 00:14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu gnaws at his lip and looks at the wall beside Wonwoo as he speaks.  
> "I didn't-"
> 
> "Mean it like that? Yeah, I'm so sure." Wonwoo huffs out, crossing his arms over his chest.

  
Mingyu wakes up with a headache.

No, actually the word migraine or even just describing the pain as literal death would be much more accurate.

His body hurts, twisted up in his sleep and tangled in the sheets. His neck is pinched, it's awkward position under his pillow makes for an uncomfortable throb down his spine. He huffs and tries to straighten himself out, but groans after accidentally kicking the wall.

He lays there for a moment before he shoots up, pillow flying off of the bed and his back protesting that the sudden movement.

 _His bed isn't touching a wall_.

Mingyu blinks away the hungover sleep that clouds his vision, glazing everything over annoyingly. The room isn't his, he's never seen it before and it's dark, so dark that it's hard to make out much.

It's small, the bed he's on is barely big enough for him and it's pushed into the corner furthest from the door, the walls are painted dark with a few posters that he can't see clearly. There's a small desk on the other side of the room, covered in books and an old looking laptop. It's clean though.

He glances at the window near the bed, noticing the bright light coming from behind the closed curtains. He squints.

It's day light, what time he's completely unsure, but it's at least day time.

Mingyu untangles himself from the sheets, which he realizes are black and smell oddly familiar, and begins his search for his phone. It's not in his pockets unfortunately so he glanced around the floor around the bed before he finally spots it sitting on the edge of the desk. He huffs and rolls off of the bed as quietly as he can and crawls over to the desk to grab the device.

He pushes himself to stand up, legs wobbly from sleep and discomfort, and promptly unlocks his phone. The sudden light makes his flinch away, a pulsing pain spiking behind his eyes. He groans, taking a moment to try to prepare himself properly.

By the time he's calmed down and finally looked at his too bright screen, he realizes that it's already 1pm. He doesn't have any missed calls or texts either, but that's becoming normal for him anymore.

Mingyu huffs again and frowns, moving his attention back to where he is.

The previous night is fuzzy at best, and he flat out doesn't remember leaving the party at all. He has no idea where he is or who took him home, though subconsciously he does know just by the room around him but Mingyu is too dense to realize that of course.

He glances around for his shoes, which thankfully are sat by the door. He steps over and pulls them on, full intentions on just leaving quietly and figuring out where he was outside.

However nothing goes his way and by the time he's got his shoes on and is starting to walk towards the window there's a light knock on the door.

He jumps and turns wide eyes as someone pushed the door open and steps inside.

"Oh, you're awake..."

Mingyu feels his body tense up, eyes staring at all too familiar dark eyes and black hair.

Wonwoo looks like he'd just woken up, even in the dark light he can see the ruffled hair and the crumpled clothes. His voice is scratchy and breaking.

He wonders what he looks like right now, an idiot standing in the middle of his...ex...friend(?)s bedroom. It almost reminds him of the night that he had took Wonwoo to his own house, though that was in a much less depressing time in their...f _riendship_.

He's not sure what to say or how to respond, they haven't exactly talked recently.

Mingyu swallows down the sudden lump in his throat as he watches the other shift his weight from leg to leg in the doorway. Wonwoo, though much more repressed and cool, seems just as uncertain as himself.

Over the last few weeks Wonwoo hadn't so much as looked in Mingyu's direction, let alone made it seem like he wanted anything to do with him after what was said. He'd reverted right back to being a stranger who's story got told through rumors and gossip. Mingyu honestly figured that the older would have already forgotten him with how easily it'd been to block him out.

Not that he held it against him, if Mingyu wasn't Mingyu he'd have dropped himself long ago too.

Maybe he's just being overly cynical, but the matter still stands that Mingyu is surprised that he's even being acknowledged let alone in Wonwoo's house.

For a moment, neither speak. Both too afraid of breaking the cold but familiar silence that's taken up the air around them.

Thankfully, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, neither have to speak up for their attention to be pulled away. There's another, much smaller, voice that calls out from behind Wonwoo.

"Why are you standing in the hallway?"

Mingyu watches Wonwoo turn around and speak to a small boy that's appeared behind him. The boy is young, around seven or eight at most, with fluffy dark brown hair, a baggy yellow long sleeve shirt, and a small mole on the corner of his mouth, as well as one on his temple and one near his eye.

"What's it to you? Do you own the hallway now?" Wonwoo snarks at the small boy.

The boy huffs at Wonwoo, puffing his cheeks out.   
"Maybe!"

Wonwoo hums, relaxing his shoulders and slumping backwards a bit to exaggerate his attitude.   
"Mhm..."

Before Wonwoo can continue on their weird playful banter, Mingyu notices that the boys eyes are now on him. Soft round eyes blinking at him like he's an oddity.

The boy tilts his head.   
"Who are you?"

Mingyu doesn't know what to say, both unsure how to address himself as well as how to act around kids. He doesn't typically like them, babies annoy him and toddler scream too much for his liking.

He looks towards Wonwoo for help, and thankfully meets the others eyes. He opens his mouth like a fish and shrugs, baiting the other into helping him. Wonwoo blinks at him before turning back to the kid and answering for Mingyu.

"This is my friend Mingyu, he's not feeling very well so he stayed the night."

The boy frowns and turns to Mingyu again  
"Are you sick? Whenever I'm sick I get soup, do you want soup?" then he turns to Wonwoo and pouts, "You should make him soup and give him blankets like you and Gran do for me!"

Wonwoo sighs and opens the door a bit more, the light from the brightened hallway hits Mingyus eyes and makes the dulled down headache spike again. His pained sound goes ignored by both of the others.

"It's not that kind of sickness Hyuka." Wonwoo mumbles out, barely sparing Mingyu a glance as he steps into the room and talks to the boy over his shoulder "Why don't you go play in your room for a bit, me and Mingyu have some stuff we need to do before he leaves. Okay?"

The boy, _Hyuka_ _,_ pouts a bit but shrugs his his shoulders. He doesn't put up a fight and instead walks further down the hallway and out of sight. With him gone, Mingyu and Wonwoo are left alone again.

It's back to the awkward but familiar silence from before, except now Mingyu wants to ask who the kid was and why he's in Wonwoo's house, but the words don't come.

Instead he watches as Wonwoo grabs a folded up hoodie from the desk chair and makes to hand it to Mingyu.

The junior frowns at the clothing but takes it from the others hands.  
"Huh?"

"That's your hoodie, from last night. You got puke on it, so I threw it in the wash."   
Wonwoo mumbles out as he moves things around on his desk.

Mingyu frowns  
"I don't remember much from last night, fill me in?"

The other turns to him with an unreadable expression.  
"Long or short version?"

"Uh...short?"

Wonwoo snorts before retelling the previous night in the most simplified way possible.

"You apparently drank way too much at Cheol's, he found you and brought you into the backyard, I didn't want you to choke on your own tongue so I brought you here because Minghao wouldn't answer his phone and I couldn't remember where you lived." A pause "oh, and you threw up in the bushes in my yard before I could open the front door..."

Mingyu cringes.

The most clear fuzzy memory from the night before was standing in the living room of the party, but after that it's too blurry to make anything out. He feels bad for accidentally burdening anyone with his drunker mannerisms, let alone putting Wonwoo out like he did.

He shifts awkwardly as he processes the new information.

Wonwoo watches him for a moment before he shrugs and draws Mingyu's attention to him.   
"Don't think about it too much."

Mingyu shakes his head.  
"No, _uh_ thank you..."

A huff  
"It's whatever."

"I-I'm sorry you had to deal with me like that..." Mingyu starts, but he's cut off by Wonwoo's snort. He looks up and sees Wonwoo rolling his eyes up at the ceiling.

Wonwoo lulls his head to the side to face Mingyu with another unreadable expression.   
"The word _sorry_ doesn't mean shit, you know that Mingyu. I did it because I'm a decent human being, if I wanted praise I'd ask the next guy I fuck to do it."

Mingyu winces, the jab at what he'd said weeks ago sending more guilt into his hungover brain. Logically Wonwoo has every right to be upset still, but in that moment Mingyu feels that low blow right in his chest.

He can feel irritation bubbling in his core underneath the guilt and embarrassment. Why it's there he had no idea, but he is much more conscious of it than normal.

Mingyu gnaws at his lip and looks at the wall beside Wonwoo as he speaks.  
"I didn't-"

"Mean it like that? Yeah, I'm so sure." Wonwoo huffs out, crossing his arms over his chest.

There's another moment of awkward silence, but this time it's Mingyu that breaks it.

He sighs, sitting back down on Wonwoo's bed and tossing the hoodie down beside him. He rubs his temples, hopping the pressure will make the dull pulse of pain go away as he feels that same irritation from before heat up.

In his head, there's something in him getting pissed off that Wonwoo hasn't forgiven him nor seem to want to make up. But at the same time he knows that that isn't a logical view of the situation and that that's not going to happen easily. That's just not how making up works. Still, it's there.

He wants to grab Wonwoo by the shoulders and apologize, scream about how sorry he is and that he didn't actually mean anything he had said. But he is also stubbornly fighting that urge for some reason.

It's an internal conflict that feels like a game of hide and seek verse actual problem solving.

Mingyu makes a noise in his throat that's somewhere between a cry of frustration and a snort. He runs a hand through his hair, fingers catching on a small tangle and annoying him further. He take a deep breath and looks back up to Wonwoo, who hasn't moved his body nor his gaze.

"I...Wonwoo..." He groans "I'm..."

Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at him and shifts a bit to slump his shoulders. Mingyu continues attempting to talk.

"I just...when I said..." A pause "When I said all of that shit...I didn't..."

"Mean it? Mingyu, I don't understand what you're trying to do." The older cuts him off, his expression has shift to one that much for blank and cold. He pulls the sleeve of his long sleeved shirt down over his knuckles as he talks. "This hot and cold thing, what did I do to you? I was always so nice to you because you seemed like a good person. Minghao and Jun talked pretty fucking highly of someone who turned around when I was finally considering you a friend and spat back everything that everyone in this fucking town has said to me."

A beat of silence

"Mingyu, I actually liked you. I thought you liked me too, that we were actually friends. What did I do to deserve what you said to me?"

Mingyu shakes his head   
"Nothing! I mean...not really?"

Wonwoo glares at him, making Mingyu want to shrink into himself.   
"What does that even mean?"

"I mean..." Mingyu sighs, eyes falling to the floor "I mean that you didn't do anything, it was me."

"Elaborate." The other cuts out, tone sharp and tight.

The junior sighs again and slumps into himself a bit.   
"It's...it's hard to explain, okay? I was scared and confused, I couldn't figure you out so when it got too much I just snapped. I don't even remember what all I said, I just blanked and let out all my frustrations onto you." Another pause "i don't know why I acted like that, why I thought..."

"Mingyu..."

"No, I just...it's hard to out into words, okay? I do like you, I want to be friends, but it's like there's this part of me that's constantly at war with the people I'm around. I don't...I don't know what I explain it..." Mingyu looks back up at Wonwoo with a frown "I genuinely don't believe anything I said to you, at least I don't think it do? I just...you confuse me for some reason, everything you do is so unpredictable and confusing to me. I can't place you like I can with others, you're just you? It pisses me off, it pisses me off when I can't place someone."

Mingyu ends his awfully worded rant slash explanation with a shrug, dropping his gaze again and letting it fall back to the carpet.

Wonwoo sighs again and shift his weight. He eventually steps away from his desk and stands in front of Mingyu.   
"Mingyu, I have a question..."

The other hums in acknowledgement, and Wonwoo continues.   
"Have you...are you diagnosed with anything...?"

For a moment Mingyu just frowns, unsure why Wonwoo would be asking, but then he thinks of the half empty prescription bottles that have sat untouched in his bathroom for the last few months.

He bites down on his tongue at the realization of what's happened, of what he'd let go unchecked. The annoyance is back, but now it's for himself.

Suddenly Mingyu stands up from the bed, startling Wonwoo enough for him to stumble back a step, and mumbles softly to the other.   
"I need to get home, I'll talk to you later."

Mingyu stumbles out of the room, ignoring the pulse of pain at the light of the rest of the house and makes his way outside. He ignores Wonwoo behind him, the older following after and asking him what was wrong and where he was going.

Wonwoo's questions go unanswered, just the like his first one. But Mingyu's silence answers them all, his since and race to leave all answer the one question that could fix everything.

Because Mingyu is not and never was _okay_.

In reality Mingyu played himself into think that he could get away with ignoring his internal problems. He traded chalk and capsules for alcohol and the attempt to feel normal. Traded pills for _free will_ and _choice, as_ if that made up for it.

Mingyu's race home is a blur, and by the time he's finally conscious of where he is he's staring at his own reflection in his bathroom.

His headache is still there, the intensity flaring as his mind works harder to focus on his own face.

Mingyu leans forwards, letting his head rest against the cold glass. He can hear his phone vibrating in his pocket, texts and calls going unanswered as he shifts around in his head.

The house is silent, just as cold and stiff as always. But that night, Mingyu feels much more alone than usual.

He doesn't take his medication that night, but he tapes a Post-It note to the mirror for the next day.

As he lays on the edge of his bed, phone in hand and fingers pulling up Wonwoo's text thread, he fills more guilt and annoyance at the concerned messages and missed calls. He locks the phone without answering and let's the device drop onto his stomach for the night.

_If it helps him, Mingyu can deal with chalk on his tongue._   
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an update! Sorry for the long wait, I've been so busy offline and it's hard to write long chapters on my phone, but thank you for bearing with me!
> 
> I wanted to say really quick that, like I said in a previous chapter, I will never explicitly say what Mingyus disorder (s) are/is. I've chosen to do it like this because I don't want anyone to comment things like "that's not how ____ is" or "I act like this so i must have ____ too!".
> 
> To be frank, the disorder I'm using is one of my own and it's my worse diagnosis because it effects my relationships and mentality of the people and strangers around me. I've never been able to have a healthy romantic relationship because of it, and I constantly accidently hurt my friends because of it.
> 
> Now for the story, Mingyu is on mediations for it but has been off of them for the majority of this book (and if you've noticed how much his personality and mentality has changed recently, it's because his disorder has been getting worse / he's reverting back to before he was medicated ).
> 
> Outside of the book, I want to say that:
> 
> If you're diagnosed with a serious disorder or illness, please stay on top of it and go to the doctors or a psychiatrist. Mental health is a hot or cold topic, it's either over played and romanticized or it's downplayed and ignored.  
> As someone who's dealt with multiple diagnosis for the majority of my life now and had them all effect my social and daily life, I can't stress enough how important it all is.
> 
> Don't self diagnose yourself, and if you do genuinely feel like something is wrong you need to look into help.
> 
> ^ this all probably made no sense, but oof
> 
> Anyways, rant(?) aside, I hope you enjoyed this kinda weird chapter.  
> The story will start shifting back into Mingyu and Wonwoo's relationship again, but of course it'll be a bit bumpy at first!
> 
> I'll try to get another update out sooner than this one was, so cross your fingers!


	15. 15:00

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonwoo just wants to be happy, even if it hurts him in the end.

  
_Patience_ is defined as _the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset._

Being patient is a good trait to have, it gets you through hardships and it can help you understand others on a deeper level. Admittedly if you're not naturally a calm and understanding person it can be extremely hard to be patient in some situations.

Wonwoo likes to believe he's extremely patient, to the point that he lets people step on him.

He's not sure if he's always been like that, had the ability to just stop his own constantly blaring thoughts and instead focus on whoever in standing before him bawling out their problems. Granted that's not many people, he doesn't talk to others often.

As a kid he was the polite and quiet child, he listened to the adults and made sure the other tikes in school didn't trip and bust out their baby teeth. He'd maintained that same mentality growing up, though it became less of a care and more of a defense mechanism.

But, something that never changed was his incredible ability to be patient.

Naturally he's an understanding person, he's probably a bit too mature for his age and too cynical about life than he should be but it's never lead him astray.

At least, not until recently.

Wonwoo has been through a lot, and continues to deal with current drama and past trauma, but he can never find it in himself to be selfish or cruel. The world is cruel enough and he can't imagine adding to the endless routes of pain that can hook into people's skin.

After he'd grown up a bit more from his blind childhood veil he'd realized just how cruel the world was, he'd became so quiet and reserved but never cold.

Still, he'd found it hard to accept people into his life, and very few made it into his life to stay.

Junhui had been there since he could remember, ever since the others family had moved in up the road when they were younger. It had been them for years, just them.

Jun had been with him through everything, stood by him when they broke something around the house, helped him up when he'd fallen and scrapped his knee, even held him during late night yells and cries from the adults meant to protect them. Jun was the first person he'd ran to for everything, even the times that should have been kept secret.

When they entered high school nothing had changed, they stuck together like glue and always went back to each other in tough times.

Jun was always more social compared to Wonwoo, the other had a charm to him that drew people in. That didn't mean that Jun trusted easily, after all, personality and homelives didn't go hand in hand like they did in the movies.

While Wonwoo was busy blocking out his reality with numb fingers and burning throats, Jun had made a friend, Minghao. Wonwoo is not dumb, he's quiet and analytical but not dumb.

Jun and Minghao had been friends for quiet a while before Wonwoo had met the younger. It was easy to see how much Jun cared for his friend and just how important he was.

He and Minghao got along smoothly, they were oddly similar but not at the same time. Minghao was quiet but snarky while Wonwoo was quiet but sneaky.

The only problem to ever come from Minghao was someone who tagged along behind him like a puppy.

Mingyu.

With Mingyu comes an emotional rollercoaster that is something Wonwoo had never expected to happen in the way it did.

He'd deny it until the end, but Wonwoo always seemed to draw in the damaged people. He's not sure why, or how, but it is a constant thing he's noticed. They say that misery loves company but he doesn't find happiness in others pain.

But, Mingyu interested him. Intrigued him.

Every school and town has their cliches, that's why they're called cliches in the first place, so finding the troubled rich boy wouldn't surprise most. But there was something, something in the way he talked, the way he acted, the way he moved, that drew his attention right back.

Wonwoo had never planned on speaking to Mingyu, he was content with curious glances and stories told by Jun and Minghao. He was fine with no contact, after all he didn't need to bring anyone solid into his life, however nothing goes right in his life so of course they start talking.

Admittedly Wonwoo was pleasantly grateful for starting to develop a friendship with Mingyu, he realized very early on that maybe he needed a new friend, someone who didn't know his sins and tragedies to pity or coddle him. Mingyu was as close to a clean slate as he'd ever get.

Of course, that bit him in the ass.

Wonwoo might come off as so many things, maybe even uncaring and emotionless to some, but he does have a heart. It's a bit chilled and slow, but it's there in his chest, pumping blood and twisting in pain when he's hurt. He feels things, he likes things, has joy, can adore and want.

The problem with that is that Wonwoo let down the guard around that fragile heart and in the end it got cracked. He got too close too fast and he couldn't protect the glass from the bricks thrown.

Another problem is that Wonwoo can't decide if he can blame Mingyu or not, if he didn't deserve the words spat and the trust crushed.

He's a patient person, a very forgiving person, but even he doesn't know it's that's good.

He cares for Mingyu, it's a fact that's transparent to anyone who knows him well enough, but he doesn't know how to feel anymore. Betrayed and hurt.

There's a saying, one his grandmother used a lot when she took Wonwoo and Kai in. It hadn't been long ago now, but he still remembers her calming him down after the move or consoling him in bad times.

 _고생 끝에 낙이 온다_ Or just; _At the end of hardships, comes happiness_

It seemed fitting for his life, though he'd yet to see any real happiness once the hardships had cooled. Though, he thinks it fits well for the current Mingyu predicament.

For once, in a very long time, Wonwoo wants to have something good, something that won't make him want to erase his existence. He think this could work, he hopes this will work.

_Wonwoo just wants to be happy, even if it hurts him in the end._


	16. 00:16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Mingyu annoys himself because he's fucked up and can't seem to fix what needs to be fixed without either ignoring the problem or going over board._
> 
> _He's just fucked up_

There's a time when the sun is just crawling up the horizon, during the soft twilight hour when everything is just barely waking up and the light is starting to glow it's normal golden shine. The blue hour was Mingyu's favorite time of day, or night depending on how you looked at it.

To him, it's not the same as midnight or the witching hour. Both, early morning and just as the sun sets, are completely different energies compared to their sibling times.

Today it's sprinkling, rain drops hit tree leafs and the dirt to make a overwhelming song of sounds that are both calming and melancholic. There's no wind, but it's chilly and his shoulders and hair are damp with that soft morning rain.

Mingyu takes in a deep breath, his throat is dry and his nose burns from the cold air, but he doesn't move. His limbs are a bit heavy, eyes sting just a bit, and his left hand has gone numb as he repeatedly strikes his lighter on and off. The scratching click of the flint catching adds to nature's tunes like an odd insgytrument.

He's zoned out, staring ahead at the sky line as the blue fades into gold until the gold turns to blinding lights from the very star of our planetary system. He's been doing that a lot lately, zoning out and drifting off into his subconscious.

He knows why, why his zoned, numbing, and off. Antipsychotics are hell on the psyche, but he knows it'll ease up eventually, just like it did before.

Mingyu is trying, he's genuinely trying.

His breath smells like chalk, nicotine clings to his clothes stronger, his knuckles are bruised, and his phone has a few dozen unanswered texts and calls, but he's trying.

How twisted it might look from an outsiders perspective, how is he trying when he seems worse. It's a double edged blade that isn't just a tv show sitcom but instead his life, an unscripted youtube vlog with only Mingyu in front of the camera and another pack of Marlboros in his hand.

He blinks, hand finally stopping it's fidgeting with the cheap BIC lighter that's nearly out of fluid.

Blue hour is over, and thus begins his day. A day that is, admittedly, is rather boring. 

Mingyu hasn't been to school for two days, he'd skipped in favor of sleeping in and nearly an entire day spent on his roof. He's almost sure that _Karen_ had threatened to call the cops on him for unknown reasons, but he can't fully remember. One day he'll egg her house, it's on his short bucket list of things to do before he dies.

Thankfully, or maybe not so thankfully, he'd avoided his parents. His father was gone again on a trip and his mother had barely been home but an hour or two at night before he could hear the clicking of her high heels leaving again. Parents of the year, truly.

Though, he wonders sometimes how different his life would have been if they'd stuck around more. Would he still be the same or would he be normal?

Normal is so hard to define though, because what is truly normal? A standard set by the suits of society, a mold for citizens to follow like little ducklings. Did he want to be normal? To join in an even worse cliche of preppy rich boy with mommy and daddy issues? That'd be normal, you're classic abandoned child drama.

Mingyu grunts to himself at the idea and stands up on slightly wobbly legs.   
"Fuck that..."

He looks down, to the ground that's two stories below him. What if he jumped? Would he die? Probably not, maybe break a bone or two but over all he'd be fine. Not that he's a danger to himself that way, sure he's a bit self destructive and very self deprecating, but he's not suicidal.

The roofing squeaks under his weight as he moves to walk back towards his bathroom window. It's a bit slippery now, the drizzling rain has finally soaked the roofs tiles and his hoodie, but he's sure of his steps. He's done this too many times before to slip and fall.

Mingyu crawls through to window and stumbles into the bathtub below. His foot his a bottle sitting on the edge and he curses as the sound goes off like a gunshot in an empty field. He freezes, focusing his hearing to any possibility that his mother is home and around. He doubts it, but the panic takes over before he can think rationally.

The house remains silent, nothing stirs and nobody is there to hear him. Because his house is cold and forgotten, because he is cold and forgotten.

He lets out an unnecessary sigh of relief and steps out of the tub, shoes leaving dirty and wet foot prints that'll annoy Mrs Roslyn. Mingyu leaves the bathroom, pointedly ignoring the mirrors reflection of him in one of his most pathetic states, and wonders down the hall and jogs down the stairs.

Halfway down he's startled by his phone ringing, the light ding uncomfortably loud at that moment. He frowns, pulling the device from his pocket.

He had an idea who it is, after all he doesn't talk to many people and very few have his number. Still, as he glances at the lit up screen the name that shows up, his chest burns. Shame and guilt, uncomfortable and regret, annoyance bubbles in the pot too but he pushes that one far back.

Both Minghao and Wonwoo had been sending him texts and the former had called and left voicemails more than once. It's like they take turns, he'll get a flood of messages from Minghao, but then after an hour of silence Wonwoo will start.

Mingyu didn't know what to do, after all he'd not spoken to Minghao at all lately and the last time he'd talked to Wonwoo had been Saturday, and that hadn't ended the best.

He's only read a few of the texts, and while he assumed they'd been cursing him out or asking when he was getting his shit together, instead they had been damn near worried. Why he's not sure, if he was in their shoes he'd probably want to punch himself, not asking if he was still alive.

He didn't deserve any kindness, because he fucked up and continued to fuck up. Just because he's not stable doesn't mean he wants pity, fuck that.

_Logically, he knows that it's them pitying him but rather genuinely caring if he was still breathing or not. He'd messed up, but Minghao wasn't that cruel and Wonwoo seemed grossly concerned for his well being. Regardless of his own self depreciation and self hatred, he was still human and he needed help even if he couldn't fully admit that he needed a hand or a hug._

Mingyu stares at the cracked screen, he'd chunked the damn thing straight into his wall yesterday for some reason he doesn't remember. Minghao's name is locked in his notification bar, glaring at him with letters instead of eyes.

Admittedly, Mingyu wants to talk, to apologise even though technically he didn't do anything to his friend. It was his treatment to Wonwoo, who is bestfriend with Jun, who undoubtedly told Minghao everything to the T, that messed with their relationship. An entire domino effect that smashed into Mingyu's face just like every other problem he's gotten himself into lately.

He sighs to himself, shoving his phone back into the safety of his back pocket, and pausing in the hallway.

Mingyu has no plans for the day, besides skipping school he'd woken up with no thoughts or ideas. So uncomfortably blank until he fully woke up, them the drifting thoughts came and his uneasy feelings flooded his system.

With no idea how to pass the time, he leans against the pristine white wall and locks his head against it hard enough to hurt just a little.

Anymore Mingyu was stuck in a continuous loop, or at least it felt like it. It's like walking around with a blindfold, you can't see but you can eventually learn to remember the path you should take, Mingyu just follows the only directions he knows like a rule book and in the end it turns him in the wrong direction. Or maybe that's him being self depreciative again, there's a difference between self awareness and self depreciation of course but Mingyu has a hard time pointing out the thin grey line between the two.

Humans are creatures of routine, we follow set plans and create paths to track for years and years. Some people didn't mind change, but even they held constancy on a pedestal above everything else. Mingyu knew all of this, and yet he began to hate his routine.

_Looping, looping, looping..._

That made no sense, he's not sure where his thoughts are drifting, but they're drifting far.

Mingyu makes a frustrated noise in his throat and knocks his head on the wall again, a bit harder. He takes a deep breath, pushing down the sudden burn of annoyance in his nerves. Despite everything, personality Mingyu feels that his internal reaction to some things is the worst part of who he is.

Annoyance is an ugly emotion, it's so pointless and crude, yet so prominent in our world today. For Mingyu, annoyance represented everything wrong with himself. It came randomly, it came suddenly, and without warning it could spark the grossly boiling anger under his skin.

For Mingyu, annoyance came in the forms of such common things that it was laughable. People mid sentence would annoy him if they talked too slow or wouldn't get to the point fast enough, the sound of a baby or child crying pissed him off, simply struggling with putting on an article of clothing could cause such strong reactions from him that it seemed fake. Sure, being slightly annoyed by these types of things are common, everyone has bad days or pet peeves. The thing is though, that for Mingyu it's not a bad day or tic, it's everyday or even mid good mood.

Wonwoo annoys him because he's guilty and confused, Minghao annoys him because he's guilty and forgotten, Jun annoys him because he's guilty and overshadowed. His Mother annoys him because he's abandoned and ignored, His Father annoys him because he's not even his real dad but he seems to play it off that he cares. Mingyu annoys himself because he's fucked up and can't seem to fix what needs to be fixed without either ignoring the problem or going over board.

He's just fucked up.

He knocks his head again, hard enough that his vision flashes white for a second. He's not even sure why he's doing it, he just is.

Mingyu isn't sure of anything he does anymore...  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -  
> My gods, finally an update!
> 
> I wanted to apologise for the long wait and for a less than amazing chapter, I've been so busy that when I finally have time to write I feel very uninspired. But I'll admit that I was in my feels today and binged the entire chapter! Hehe sorry,,,
> 
> I have to admit, Drown by Bring Me The Horizon and In Between by Beartooth were the fuel for this chapter, as in I only listened to those two songs for the passed fees hours while writing,,,I might have hyperfocused sooo
> 
> Anyways, this chapter probably seems weird, which is understandable even I think it's kinda strange!
> 
> But still, I hope you enjoy!  
> Don't worry, next chapter will have more in it!


	17. 00:17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu swallows around the lump that had formed in his throat, but he can't speak. What would he even say?

  
Alienation is defined as the state or experience of being isolated from a group or an activity to which one should belong or in which one should be involved, alienation is a word that Mingyu feels applies to him to a point.

You see, Mingyu is such an odd but basic case. He's unhappy with his unsatisfactory life but just as unhappy in his clueless fumbling about. He can't grasp an in-between that's stable and okay.

His fingers are numb as they tap out the heavy beat of the song he's been blasting since he pulled out of his driveway. His car is cold, he hadn't turned on the heater nor has he even acknowledged the November chill in the air.

There's no plan, he just got in and went. Mingyu can't fully remember why he left his house, after all he hadn't stepped foot of his property in a week and only vaguely recalls what he'd done in his spare time. Today he'd felt a bit better, still hadn't slept the night before and foggy headed but he hasn't fallen into a pit of self loathing yet and doesn't think he will anytime soon. At least he hopes not.

He still doesn't have the courage to call Minghao or Wonwoo, and honestly even if he did he wouldn't know what to say or how to say it. Soon he will, but not now.

Mingyu let's his attention wonder a bit as he slows to stop at a street light.

The town is oddly quiet for a Friday evening, only a few other vehicles pass him by and almost nobody is on the side walks. The sun's already going down, turning the sky a growing fuchsia color with each second that goes by. He blinks at the setting skyline.

If the blue hour was his favorite time of day, sunsets are his second favorite.

At some point he ends up parked in front of the EZ Mart, the gross neon lights have kicked on and cast an ugly green and red glow on his car's hood. He shuts down the ignition and sighs, glancing down at the half empty pack of cigarettes in the cup holder.

It's the one time he doesn't need anything, but feels compelled to go and buy something. He frowns before shaking his head and jumps out of the car with a grunt.

Just like the streets, the store is empty besides the cashier and Mingyu himself and yet he still has a strange feeling in his gut. He frowns, gnawing at the inside of his cheek until the burning copper taste appears on his tongue.

Instead of heading straight for the counter, Mingyu makes a beeline for the refrigerators. He glances around through the foggy glass doors, too many options. Too many choices, choices that could lead him anywhere or impact him somehow. Like a twisted fate, red pill blue pill if nothing else.

Maybe he's thinking about it too hard, just the thought now that a simple drink choice could set his life on a new course is ridiculous. Right? The Butterfly Effect was a real thing, but surely it couldn't work like that for him.

He's not Ashton Kutcher, and he can't go and change the past.

He sighs and props the door open to blindly grab a bottle, even his thoughts make no sense now.

"Hey..."

Mingyu flinches and jerks his head to the side, eyes widening for a moment before he tenses up.

Of course, his luck doesn't allow him to run from his problems. It makes perfect sense, theoretically, that Wonwoo would have gone to the empty EZ Mart at sun down on a Saturday. Of course he'd be there at the same time, in the same isle, with the same weathered look. Mingyu doesn't have luck nor does fate shine down on him lightly.

Wonwoo seems to have a sixth sense when it came to tracking Mingyu down when he was out of it, it seemed more a talent now more than anything. He could find him like a needle in a hay stack, sharp eyes zoning in and blindly following an unspoken road right to the younger. Mingyu's not even sure if Wonwoo realizes just how un-coincidental it felt at this point.

So, Mingyu blinks, just to be sure he's not hallucinating. But of course he's not and Wonwoo is still standing there, dark eyes staring right into Mingyu like he can read his racing mind.

Mingyu swallows around the lump that had formed in his throat, but he can't speak. What would he even say?

Mingyu had never been the type to chatter endlessly sure, but it's not often that he is mute in face of something. He can always find something to say, always find a way to butt in, even in dire depressing topics or broken heart moments. But now his vocal cords are frozen, his mouth is cotton, and he doesn't know how to open his jaw.

His heart is busy beating uncomfortably fast, guilt and nerves spiking at alarming rates just by seeing the one person he didn't know how to confront or talk to. And he'll be honest and say that it slightly annoys him just how calm the other looks, as if that's abnormal.

Unlike himself, Wonwoo hadn't done anything and shouldn't feel anything other than annoyance at just seeing Mingyu's name. But Mingyu's been over that a thousand times now, why continue to repeat himself until his throat is sore?

He blinks again, blanking on what to do or if he should speak.

Wonwoo, whether a blessing or a curse, seems to understand that Mingyu isn't going to reply anything soon because he speaks up again. Though, his voice is softer and weak as he opens the refrigerator door next to the one Mingyu is in front of.   
"You've been standing there for five minutes..."

 _Uh_. Had he?

Mingyu frowns and glances to the windows that the line the stores front, and sure enough the sun had completely fallen beyond the horizon and left no glow in it's absence. He moves his focus around the store, it's still empty besides the new addition of Wonwoo. It's almost unsettling.   
He turns his attention back to the senior as he hears his voice pipe up again.

"Are you busy?"

Mingyu looks at the other and pauses, actually looks at him.   
"Huh?"

Wonwoo shuts the door, a bottle in hand with a pink lable and pink liquid sloshing around, and gives Mingyu an odd look. He can't see his eyebrows, their covered by black bangs that seem longer than the last time he'd seen him, but he can tell that Wonwoo raises one at his confused noise if the slight shift in his eyes are any indication.   
"You heard me, so are you?"

Mingyu frowns deeper  
"Why?"

Wonwoo shrugs, almost nonchalantly.   
"I need help with something."

"From me?"

The other scoffs, ugly noise high in his throat.   
"No, I mean the guy down the isle."

Mingyu frowns and turns to look around the store again, finding it just as empty as before. He blinks, internally cringing as he realizes the sarcasm in Wonwoo's voice. He focuses back onto Wonwoo, gripping the bottle in his own hand tighter.   
"Ah..."

Wonwoo makes a noise high in his throat, something between a snort and a groan that feels too playful given the moment. He doesn't respond to Mingyu's uncertain sound and instead grabs the bottle in Mingyu's hand without saying a thing. Mingyu watches him walk away, towards the counter, and winces at the rush of nostalgia that hits him. He follows after, feet heavy and steps sluggish.

‘ _Are you busy?_ ’

‘ _No, why?_ ’

‘ _Do you want to hang out? Only if you want I mean..._ ’

It seems like such a long time ago now, which is crazy considering it's had only been just over a month and a half since his radar had finally pinged one Wonwoo Jeon. That's not long, and that's not really a nostalgia trip. Mingyu had barely been in someone's life for two months and managed to messed up what normally takes a year to build. He was busy building a house with a frame.

Mingyu bites down on his tongue as he watches Wonwoo pay for their things just like Mingyu had done once.

_‘Sure, let's hang out. Where to?’_

_‘Park? We can swing or something’_

**It makes his chest hurt.**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
